#1
Sitting in the dark
doing what we're told to
our silent resistance
is either dead or in secret.
There they are putting brick on brick
around us, these walls make me sick.
And this is us, not worth remembering
humming the song that noone dares to sing.


They're burning our guitars
and cutting our tongues
though it's difficult breathing
there's still air in our lungs.
All this depression doesn't keep us from trying
though we gag our own children
cos they're not used to lying.
There they are putting brick on brick
around us, these walls make me sick.
And this is us, not worth remembering
humming the song that noone dares to sing.


She sat there all hidden
so that they couldn't remind her
that the more people passed
the more seconds fell behind her.
Her tranquility was wrong
inside she cried
they all said she was fine
only she knew they lied.

She listened to stories
not believing a thing
humming the song
that noone dares to sing.
They said the depression didn't keep them from trying
though they gagged their own children
who were not used to lying.

I'll help you, I'll help you
but he didn't mind
the signs are there but
we pretend to be blind.
He told them to be happy
not knowing a thing
just humming the song
that noone dares to sing.

He said all that depression
shouldn't keep them from trying
they shoukd gag their own children
if they weren't used to lying.
There they are putting brick on brick
around us, these walls make me sick.


This is our world, not worth remembering
cos we just humm the songs
we'd better sing.

C4C
#3
this is really good, i really like the message or what the message is to me, inspires a lil' teen-angst revolution, but then again everything does that to me cuz I'm such a hippie. keep up the good work
#4
Other than the simple rhyme scheme I think it has a lot of potential. I like it.
#7
I'm sorry I haven't thought of chords or a melody yet... and I don't know if I'm able to...feel free to add something, tell me then though, i'd be interested to hear what you're making of it.
#8
Nice feel, but the lack of a melody bothers me somewhat. You might have to edit it a bit when you record it, to stop it from becoming too much of a poem. That's the only big flaw I can see in it. And honestly, it isn't much of a flaw. Good going.

Oh, but you could do with a nicer title.
#9
Nah i really like this piece. Very very good. There really isnt much to crit but also i like the title its unique and really say something good job. If you ever record it please send it me thanks