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#4
I said ''Your mom'' to a girl whose mother had died of Cancer when she was six.
.Brand New.Bright Eyes.This Will Destroy You.

THRRRRRRRREADKILLER!
#5
Um getting walked in on by g/f while cheating on her...

Yah, 'twas drunk as ****. The sad thing was, it ended up being me breaking up with her. I didn't like her that much... she always liked to read the bible which I thought was kinda weird.
#6
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
I said ''Your mom'' to a girl whose mother had died of Cancer when she was six.

Well that explains your name.
#9
dude

dont steal things from stand up comics
thats bad
and especially dont post em on the internet

[but that dude was highlarious when he said it]
Quote by metul kult
You know when Attack Attack is ripping off your music, you're onto something


twitter: @victorstaygold
#10
Trying to have phone sex with them.


When you talk to them in person.

Sig space for rent.
$100 obo
Message for negotiaton.
#11
you know how when your sitting in a movie theater and someone opens the door and all the light from the hall pours into the dark theater...well i have a habit of turning around to look whose there (when of course ill rarely know the person but its habit). well one time i was at the movie with my friend steph and i had my arm around her as the door opens and as i go to look who it is...its her boyfriend who knew she was cheating on him with me but had no real proof. but no one really likes the kid cause he's an arrogant S.O.B. so i just laughed when he saw.
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Get a boner and slap your school doctor in the face with your penis.

It'll be funny.


Haiku by of friend of mine:
Fat guy play the bass
Get your jam on, get your jam
And peanut butter


Live Fast, Die Fun
#12
i asked a guy if he was a first year at uni, and he was 27 year old phd....was quite awkward after that
Quote by ukuleleftw
When is beating your cat not justified?


Quote by Gaz_m2k5
This is almost as stupid as when someone thought there might be a UG warehouse where all the tabs are stored.



July 8th, 2007 @ Wembley - Best day ever
#13
Sitting at a picnic table when the following thing happened:

Me, my friend (a guy), and a girl we just met:

friend: *talking to his girlfriend on his cell phone* "Hold on a second..." *puts phone down, talking to the girl* "Can I have my dollar back now?"

girl: *sticks it down her shirt* "come get it!"

me: *laughing uncontrollably*

friend: *reaches down her shirt, grabs her boob, takes dollar*

girl and friend: *viscously making out*

me: *on his cell to his girlfriend* "he's kinda busy right now, he'll call you back."


Yeah it was pretty awkward from there on out...
Quote by Les_Frederiksen
PlayMadness, you give me hope for mankind.

Quote by Darksucker
PlayMadness - Jesus 2.0

Quote by genghisgandhi
Society's doing great. There's a rise of people like PlayMadness. I feel pretty good about the way things are going.
#14
Quote by Guitarist132
Dont wanna talk about it


Please do. This sounds like a good one.
Nighty Night keep your butthole tight
Quote by AlexiSinergy
I heard my mom talking to her friend about going to a ****ing dildo party!
#15
I used to be in a band and our singer asked me who I masturbate to, and then proceded to list the girls he masturbates to. I regularly talk to 3/4 of the list, so probably the most akward moment for them was when I told them they were on it.

Edit: I figured I should mention that this happened in the middle of practicing a song, in the middle of him singing, no less. He started in on the line, turned to me, and said into the mic, "John, who do you whack it to?"
Quote by Tire Me.
Raping her in front of other people would be morally wrong.

Quote by Bubbles516
wtf290 uses make bubbles feel like crap
Its super effective!
Last edited by wtf290 at Feb 13, 2008,
#16
I was in the passenger seat of a car that my friend was driving. We were at a stoplight. My friend was picking his nose. We got rear ended. His elbow hit the steering wheel forcing his arm violently upwards. This shoved his finger upwards and it broke his nose and several facial bones. His finger was stuck in his nose. I pulled on his arm and his finger came out, but so did his right eye. thisistottalysusddicerigagblebulslheit Wait, nevermind, I just made that up. LOL
#17
Not sure if this counts as awkward, but it's what popped into my mind when I read this:

I had started seeing this girl, we were out with my flatmate and a bunch of other people.

We ditched early and go back to the flat.

One thing leads to another and we end up having sex.

It hits maybe 2am and me and this chick are in the middle of round 2 when I hear my flatmate come back, and he's brought people with him.

So I just keep going, and then we here someone groping at the door handle.

I had the biggest streak of panic run through me I've ever felt, we were both butt naked doin it doggy style and just froze there.

Turns out it was one of the ppl my flatmate had brought back to the flat who wanted to see where I'd gone, thankfully the flatmate had put 2+2 together and stopped her from actually opening the door.

We got up to round 4 before sleeping at 5am.

Awesome night.
#18
I've never had particularly awkward moments with my friends, so I guess the most awkward moment I've had was when some guy with downs syndrome tried to talk to me when he was using the urinal next to me. I tried to ignore him the first time, then he shouted as if I hadn't heard the first time, and it was this packed public toilet at a train station, and everyone was just kind of staring at me.
#19
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
I said ''Your mom'' to a girl whose mother had died of Cancer when she was six.

i said "your mom" to someone whose mom died in a car accident while he and his sister were at the babysitter's
#20
Quote by n2dabloo
I was in the passenger seat of a car that my friend was driving. We were at a stoplight. My friend was picking his nose. We got rear ended. His elbow hit the steering wheel forcing his arm violently upwards. This shoved his finger upwards and it broke his nose and several facial bones. His finger was stuck in his nose. I pulled on his arm and his finger came out, but so did his right eye. thisistottalysusddicerigagblebulslheit Wait, nevermind, I just made that up. LOL


You're the only one laughing. Kill yourself while you can still make a difference.
.Brand New.Bright Eyes.This Will Destroy You.

THRRRRRRRREADKILLER!
#21
I was at the urinals (as inspired by previous poster :p) and a guy leaned over my shoulder and said "Whoa, bet Stacy's pleased with that". Hang on, I think, I don't know anyone called Stacy. I turned round and the guy was like " You're not Steve..." A full three seconds pass in utter silence and we just both suddenly burst out laughing. There was dude outside with exactly the same jacket as me...

Wait, that was a gay experience.

Last edited by Kumanji at Feb 13, 2008,
#22
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
You're the only one laughing. Kill yourself while you can still make a difference.


actually, the visual made me laugh. try it, its a great mental image
#23
Quote by deutschenator
actually, the visual made me laugh. try it, its a great mental image


I did. It didn't make me laugh, hence the post. Well out of the 500,000+ users, thats still a small majority, and I still maintain that he should kill himself.
.Brand New.Bright Eyes.This Will Destroy You.

THRRRRRRRREADKILLER!
#24
Well I don't have any but my friend told me he was at a urinal in the airport and a guy was at the urinal next to him trying to look at his thing... then the guy went to the sink acted like he washed his hands and went back to another urinal next to another guy... you get the idea.
#25
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
You're the only one laughing. Kill yourself while you can still make a difference.


What if you found out he did kill himself because of that post?

I bet that would be a pretty intense, awkward moment.
#26
Quote by wtf290
I used to be in a band and our singer asked me who I masturbate to, and then proceded to list the girls he masturbates to. I regularly talk to 3/4 of the list, so probably the most akward moment for them was when I told them they were on it.

Edit: I figured I should mention that this happened in the middle of practicing a song, in the middle of him singing, no less. He started in on the line, turned to me, and said into the mic, "John, who do you whack it to?"

...You SIGGED me!?
that means that I got sigged twice on that phrase!!!

Oh, and nice diabolical evil plan, telling all those girls he faps to them

As for my awkward moment...
I was quickly finishing my homework at the beginning of class, and listening to music as well (so I couldn't hear so great), and this dude said something like "I see you doing that!!" really loud, so I turned to him and was like "Don't pull shit like that, asshole!" and he looked at me so confused, so I just turned away and tried not to laugh at myself
#27
Quote by Kemp
What if you found out he did kill himself because of that post?

I bet that would be a pretty intense, awkward moment.


I'd just add a lol on the end, by doing that everything is made ok. You can say ANYTHING to people if you add lol on the end. e.g.

Me - ''So, I ****ed and killed your mother lol''

Friend - ''Oh haha, very funny''

Me - *hides dead body*
.Brand New.Bright Eyes.This Will Destroy You.

THRRRRRRRREADKILLER!
#28
In the 100 metre sprint for a sports day I tripped over in front of the whole school. I got up and just walked with my head down to the finish line
#29
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
I'd just add a lol on the end, by doing that everything is made ok. You can say ANYTHING to people if you add lol on the end. e.g.

Me - ''So, I ****ed and killed your mother lol''

Friend - ''Oh haha, very funny''

Me - *hides dead body*

That reminds me of another cure all to saying something awkward.

Any time you tell a story that ends up boring and awkward, just end it with "and then I found $5." Finding money makes any story immediately awesome.
#30
Quote by Cpt.Jackass
I'd just add a lol on the end, by doing that everything is made ok. You can say ANYTHING to people if you add lol on the end. e.g.

Me - ''So, I ****ed and killed your mother lol''

Friend - ''Oh haha, very funny''

Me - *hides dead body*


hahaha thats probably the hardest i've ever laughed at something that wasn't a picture on the internet. *sigged*
#31
Quote by synpet713192
That reminds me of another cure all to saying something awkward.

Any time you tell a story that ends up boring and awkward, just end it with "and then I found $5." Finding money makes any story immediately awesome.


Quote by deutschenator
hahaha thats probably the hardest i've ever laughed at something that wasn't a picture on the internet. *sigged*


Sweeeet.
.Brand New.Bright Eyes.This Will Destroy You.

THRRRRRRRREADKILLER!
#33
Well I went to a party on Sunday and one of my friends was searching on Encylopedia Dramatica for their definitions of Aids and Bird Flu, so I said "hey search cancer!!!"

I was stood next to a guy who had surgery for testicular cancer.

*shudders*
#34
This is the first thread I've seen where the TS's post was almost siggable.
Quote by Aftertime
Thanks Mr. Heafyman! you're an absolute legend
Quote by Ex'sAndOh's
Porn is everywhere. Look around.
Porn is in the forest, in your parents bedroom, in the sea.
But most importantly, in your heart.
Quote by Hypnotisation
I take dumps all the time! I R TURDBURGLAR!
#35
Quote by Kumanji
I was at the urinals (as inspired by previous poster :p) and a guy leaned over my shoulder and said "Whoa, bet Stacy's pleased with that". Hang on, I think, I don't know anyone called Stacy. I turned round and the guy was like " You're not Steve..." A full three seconds pass in utter silence and we just both suddenly burst out laughing. There was dude outside with exactly the same jacket as me...

Wait, that was a gay experience.



funniest thing in this thread.
Siggity-sig-sig-sig.
#36
Was having sex with my gf with our friend sleeping next to us.
She woke up, and we just stared at eachother.
#37
One time, I forgot to flush after doing #2 in a public restroom.
#38
dude i was talking about jackin off when my female pe teacher was right behind me. i turned around and my stomach hit the floor
I am the last Samaurai


Quote by Strati
Note to self: keep off thread while on lsd trip.

Quote by gtrfrk123
Well i'm still fairly young so i still hump random things

Quote by Woogles
****K YOU HOE!
GTFO MAH UG!
#39
I totally cockblocked my friend accidentaly once. Here's how it went.

With my Air Force ROTC squadron we go all over the state and country and when we are at a hotel we usually hang out in the pool and such. Well my friend, Williams, meets this girl, they start talking and such. They say they will meet up the next day (it was 2:00 AM and we had to be up at 6).

So at the hotel breakfast the next morning this other girl starts eyeing at us, mainly because we were in our Dress Blue uniforms. She walks over and starts flirting with Williams more seriously than the girl the night before. So they go off and I assumed he didnt care about the other girl.

So I'm talking to my GF on the phone and the girl from the night the before starts walking towards me and Williams rounds the corner behind me. So me not even realizing the situation I yell out "Hey! How was she?"

He stopped mid-step and have the stare from hell. I felt like an ass.
My obligatory gear list

Guitars
Schecter C-1 Classic
Gibson SG Special
1987 Fender Strat
Epiphone PR-150

Amp and Effects
Peavey Valveking 112
Boss DD-6
Crybaby Wah-wah
Ibanez TS-9DX
Banshee 2 Talkbox


Crit plz! Wh ore of Gommorah
#40
Quote by deutschenator
i ran into a hobo on a way to a coinstar once. we both just sorta stopped and looked at each other for a second


Dude not cool, don't steal jokes from other comedians
Who are you Carlos Mencia?
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