#1
I wrote this songs based on standards in what I'm looking for in a relationship, and in a girlfriend. Verses are sung as a typical folk song. The chorus is sung as a high-speed type of Jefferson Airplane meets CCR (Creedence Clearwater Revival).


Title: My Kind of Girl

Verse: 1
Working your tail to get back home.
Still, there's nothin' special had to be shown.
With your high-stress, high-pay occupation,
Yet, never worked a day, just like today's generation.


Chorus:
Someone loyal for a true relationship,
Not just a pretty waitress looking for her daily tip.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah! No, I don't want no other.
How can this be, me and her, and her with me!!?!!

Verse 2:
Don't want the action from your tough love,
'Cause it hides your compassion like a glove.
Her's is…the special quality that's hidden 'neath the waves,
Understanding of my demanding ways.


Chorus:
Someone loyal for a true relationship,
Not just a pretty waitress looking for her daily tip.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah! No, I don't want no other.
How can this be, me and her, and her with me!!?!!

Verse 3:
She never drinks or smokes, makes good on her choices.
Her laughter sounds of another's voices.
Deep thought, forethought, common sense and sensibility.
These are but a few things I want for her and me.


Chorus:
Someone loyal for a true relationship,
Not just a pretty waitress looking for her daily tip.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah! No, I don't want no other.
How can this be, me and her, and her with me!!?!!


Verse 4:
Having the same interests, she could be
Running 'round having fun with me.
She's not the beauty queen; she's the burning ember
Of the prettiest thing I'll always remember.


Chorus:
Someone loyal for a true relationship,
Not just a pretty waitress looking for her daily tip.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah! No, I don't want no other.
How can this be, me and her, and her with me!!?!!


Feedback please..........
#5
Alrighty, I made some changes to the song I wrote. I felt it was left incomplete and needed some more work. It was kinda abondoned actually. So I fixed it.

I revised the chorus and added a nice bridge section. Enjoy, and crits please.

Title: My Kind of Girl
Music and Lyrics by: Kenneth Zdansky

Verse: 1
Working your tail to get back home.
Still, there's nothin' special had to be shown.
With your high-stress, high-pay occupation,
Yet, never worked a day, just like today's generation.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Verse 2:
Don't want the action from your tough love,
'Cause it hides your compassion like a glove.
Her's is…the special quality that's hidden 'neath the waves,
Understanding of my demanding ways.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Verse 3:
She never drinks or smokes, makes good on her choices.
Her laughter sounds of another's voices.
Deep thought, forethought, common sense and sensibility.
These are but a few things I want for her and me.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Bridge:
Staying at home all day, then driving in the car.
Listening to the music at the local bar.
Watching late night TV shows, the way her warm face glows,
Makes me glad to know, I'm the lucky one she got.
To the other guys, "I'm still here but you're not."
Not to be mean, just honest. (spoken)


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Verse 4:
Having the same interests, she could be
Running 'round having fun with me.
She's not the beauty queen; she's the burning ember
Of the prettiest thing I'll always remember.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.
#6
I love the lyrics!
Baby, can you dig your man?
He's a righteous man,
Baby, can you dig your man?

- Larry Underwood
#8
Alright, this is going to be tha last revision to the lyrics. I need a full crit, worthy of "thehurtwithin"'s approval. <<Everyone knows how tough he is. Anyway, a full crit, and I also need to know if sung to a girl, if it would be too mushy. So, if everything is fine, then THIS is the final cut, if not, then back to square one. Thanks for all the help.

Final Draft (hypothetically, anyway):

"My Kind of Girl"

Title: My Kind of Girl
Music and Lyrics by: Kenneth Zdansky

Verse: 1
She's working her tail to get back home.
Still, there's nothin' special had to be shown.
With her high-stress, high-pay occupation,
Yet, never worked a day, just like today's generation.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Verse 2:
Don't want the action of her tough love,
'Cause it hides her compassion like a glove.
Her's is…the special quality that's hidden 'neath the waves,
Understanding of my demanding ways.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Verse 3:
Her mind speaks clear to me her choices.
Her laughter sounds of another's voices,
Sailing on dreamscapes of conscience sensibility.
These are but a few things I want for her and me.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Bridge:
Staying at home all day, then driving in the car.
Listening to the music at the local bar.
Watching late night TV shows, the way her warm face glows,
Makes me glad to know, I'm the lucky one she has.
I turn to her and say "Babe, We're finally here at last."


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Verse 4:
Nothing ever makes either of us blue, nothing it seems.
It's like a dream come true, her here with me.
She's not the beauty queen; she's the burning ember
Of the prettiest thing I'll always remember.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Again, full DETAILED crits, and any other feedback. Thanks.
#9
Quote by neptune1988

Verse: 1
She's working her tail to get back home.
Still, there's nothin' special had to be shown.
With her high-stress, high-pay occupation,
high-stress, high-pay doesn't work for me, would be better if it was "high-stress, pay-fuelled" or something along those lines imo.
Yet, never worked a day, just like today's generation.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
Random and unnecessary image of a key here, seemed totally out of place.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Too many "e" sounding words, overkill - key, be, me, me...
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.
Badly positioned "Yeah!! No!" and would be awkward to sing too, I suggest changing this.


Verse 2:
Don't want the action of her tough love,
'Cause it hides her compassion like a glove.
Nice image as it has a purpose this time.
Her's is…the special quality that's hidden 'neath the waves,
No need for "Her's is..." imo
Understanding of my demanding ways.
Again, nice image.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Verse 3:
Her mind speaks clear to me her choices.
Her laughter sounds of another's voices,
Nice image, slightly lacking flow though, i felt, as it seems to be forced to rhyme.
Sailing on dreamscapes of conscience sensibility.
These are but a few things I want for her and me.
Nice image.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Bridge:
Staying at home all day, then driving in the car.
Listening to the music at the local bar.
Watching late night TV shows, the way her warm face glows,
Makes me glad to know, I'm the lucky one she has.
Awkwardly worded again, didn't see the need or relevance of it, seems like it's just thrown together with ideas.
I turn to her and say "Babe, We're finally here at last."
No need for "at last" if you're saying "We're finally here", basically repeating yourself unnecessarily.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Verse 4:
Nothing ever makes either of us blue, nothing it seems.
It's like a dream come true, her here with me.
Nice repitition.
She's not the beauty queen; she's the burning ember
Of the prettiest thing I'll always remember.
Nice imagery here, reasonably solid stanza.


Chorus:
We don't need anyone but us, so long as we hold the key.
How can this be, with me and her, and her with me?
Our love's something they'll never get over.
She's my kind of girl. Yeah!! No! I don't want no other.


Some of it felt really forced, and lacked flow. Also, ellaborate on things, it seems incomplete with the image of the key imo, I just don't see the need for it at all...

Please crit mine:

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=787956

thanks, Martin
#10
okay so, re-write for more flow, better ryhme scheme, and everything else was perfect right?

was the imagery good enough?

Any tips on "flow" in general?

Also, the second line of chorus, if it were

HOW CAN THIS BE, US TOGETHER, AND HER WITH ME?

or does that make it sound like a threesome?
#11
I thought where the imagery had purpose, like the glove, sailing on dreamscapes, things like that were good because they meant something to your piece.

In all honesty, I wouldn't try to force any rhyme scheme, if it comes, it comes, concentrate on flow, then you can alter it later to try to make it a little more rhythmical.

That sounds like a threesome imo, try to ellaborate on the key reference in L2 so it actually has purpose, then it will improve the piece overall as the majority of the sense of incompleteness was the chorus itself imo.