#1
apparently i needed to repost this cos the last one i put a smilie in the title... apparently that makes me twat of the century... anyhoo here it is again...

my mum and dad are angry at me
so lets tell me some thing new
cos i cant get no respect these day
no matter what i do
but its all working out
wait til there not about
and i do things my own way
so i'll just wait for mum and dad to go
and get all of my own space

freedoms all that i ask
ive got it all figured out
try not to get in too deep
it works out great for me
i have all that i need
it'll leave me smiling in my sleep.

my girlfriend say i shouldnt act this way
i cant control my self too good
but she dosnt know who i am
and dosnt want what i want
so i know she has to go
so i'll just wait for my girlfriend to go
and have all of my own space

freedoms all that i ask
ive got it it all figured out
try not to get in too deep
it works out great for me
i have all that i need
it'll leave me smiling in my sleep.
Light touch my hand, in a dream of Golden Skans, from now on.
You can forget our future plans.
#3
I like the idea here it's quite refreshing and back about two years ago i felt the exact way as you're now, or at least the way you expressed it in this piece, except i don't have a girlfriend, i've never had one in my life.

I think the only problem you've with this piece is the lak of grammatical punctuality and quite weak and cliche rhyming. E.G.: Deep and Sleep. And also you didn't capitalise anything in your piece, but that's not really important.

I'm really sorry ofr being a jerk but that was eventually going to happen and i didn't want another poor soul to get scolded at by the mods. You're NOT in any way by any means espicially not for an small incident like that.

Good luck with the future men, and i've added you as a friend so

Yes i'll keep smiling thank you.
Last edited by Bleed Away at Feb 16, 2008,
#4
I quite like it. It's an obvious statement but that's not a bad thing. You tackled it with expression, well done baby.