#1
I'm new to posting poetry on here, but don't hold anything back. Crit for crit.

Rule number one;
you can't look at anyone in the streets of London.

Bitter air freezes in your lungs
and you'll be coughing up
nothing but dust when you're
caught in the pitch of the alley
on the streets of London

Someone wants your money
and it ain't you. You best
keep off those ragged roads.

It's where the poor are wrecked
and the rich get richer.
You ain't breaking out of no circle boy!
You're as common as they come
on the streets of London

It's a dangerous place.
Hazardous waste. Don't think you
won't get caught up in this,
You were dragged like
a bitch on a leash.

You gotta keep your simple dreams straight
or you'll find yourself
on the streets of London.

You can't buy a flat and your job pays crap.
you're a victim
on the streets of London.

You'll find yourself ****ed,
wielding a knife
on the streets of London.
Last edited by Craigo at Feb 14, 2008,
#2
That was... intense. I liked the way it sounded like a story, but I can't really see it as a song. But maybe I'm just reading it wrong. Overall, good job. =)
#3
Quote by GuitarGrrl16
That was... intense. I liked the way it sounded like a story, but I can't really see it as a song. But maybe I'm just reading it wrong. Overall, good job. =)

It's a piece of poetry

I'm really iffy on it. I wanted a really rough sounding edge to it, but it also makes it sound less professional, which is what I also wanted to avoid :/
#4
Well, as a poem, it was awesome.
I liked how it sounded kind of cautionary, like it was warning the reader and stuff. That was interesting.