#1
So i wrote this one because so many of us have a routine each day, wake up, shower, go to some type of school/job/whatever, come home, work, entertain ourselves, free time, then sleep
so a lot of people seem to have it, and today i decided to break that trend, i decided to buy **** for the people i like and for once show my feelings, it worked great
so yea, crit4crit

Clones
A choice for millions to lose
pain from when i lost you

hoods to hide your identities
clones to save us from the past
we never are alone
we all fall the same
names lost in a game

a choice for millions to lose
pain from when i lost you

cults to favor a god
models to ruin the true
rules lost in a game
clone to rip us all apart
no exceptions to their rules
names are dead in shame

falling away from you
clones rip me apart, i have to choose
life itself leaves us be
alone for us to finally see

never alone we have become the clones
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#2
this is a simple rhyme, and usually i dont like those kinds, but you pulled it off man, you really did, i like this cuz its so deep and has such true meaning to it, great job, keep on writin bro
When The Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, that is when the world will be at peace --Jimi Hendrix

The roads of hell are paved with good intentions
#3
Quote by Guitarplaya27
So i wrote this one because so many of us have a routine each day, wake up, shower, go to some type of school/job/whatever, come home, work, entertain ourselves, free time, then sleep
so a lot of people seem to have it, and today i decided to break that trend, i decided to buy **** for the people i like and for once show my feelings, it worked great
so yea, crit4crit

Clones
A choice for millions to lose
pain from when i lost you
I like the simple language, but I'm not sure if its the truest to your voice, it sounds forced. The content is really good though.

hoods to hide your identities
clones to save us from the past
we never are alone
we all fall the same
names lost in a game
Same, flows nice, and actually, I'm not sure if you meant to, but the flow and slight repetition here enforces the feeling of the clone here. Its cool.

a choice for millions to lose
pain from when i lost you

cults to favor a god
models to ruin the true
rules lost in a game
clone to rip us all apart
no exceptions to their rules
names are dead in shame
Good expansion from the earlier part. 5


falling away from you
clones rip me apart, i have to choose
life itself leaves us be
alone for us to finally see
Haha, I like that ending so much. It seemed to be really simple but striking and relevant. Its cool man. The rest of the poem had an almost awkward style, but somehow profound I thought haha. The ending tied it up real nice.

never alone we have become the clones


Cool cool.
#4
thanks guys
yea i really hate being in the routine, so yesterday for valentines day i went out and bought my friend

haha thanks
Call me Sean
Quote by Nilpferdkoenig
He's just trying to protect our innocence.


Yes i am
Quote by :Vicious--

Your flirting powers are incredible.



Gear:
Schecter S1 Elite Black Cherry (Soapbar Neck, Invader Bridge)
Schecter Banshee
Orange Dual Terror
Boss CE-5
Goatkeeper
#5
hey =].

I think I like this. It just sorta feels a bit like you've got all these great one liners, and you've stuck them together. Like there's not much flow between each line - thinking about it now, it does work in context with the piece though. Like our routine is so strict and structured, everything is like Bang Bang Bang do this, do that, go here, go there etc.

So I've changed my mind. I do like it. It's a bit confusing and abstract, but it's cool. I can't really think of anything worth changing atm. Good job.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


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