#1
i had thought of all
the ways i might express
how you've made me feel
loved.

as the weeks went by,
i imagined myself assembling
a thousand words.

i would write
then present them to you
along with a single rose.

the thoughts kept me as warm
as your embrace.

but watches and calendars
have no meaning,
unless you look at them.
yet the days continue.

just now i looked.
the meaning is all too clear.

six minutes past midnight.
the shoppes are all closed.
i have no flower
and not at thousand words,
only three.
Meadows
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Last edited by SomeoneYouKnew at Mar 16, 2008,
#2
i have no flower
and not at thousand words

you sure that's what you meant to say or is it a typo?

This was nice if nothing more. Heartfelt and nice. I liked it.

I apologize for a lame comment but I'm not sure if you want real critiques on this.

Bye.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#3
It's good for a Valentine's/love type thing but (and I'm sorry if this is harsh), while it was cute, it's utterly cliché and overdone.
I have to say I liked the flow in some parts though and you had some subtle rhyming now and then which really helped the piece.
I thought the ending was weak. I don't know if you were serious with the 'SomeoneWhoLovesYou' but I didn't like it at all. The 'I love you' was cliché, but at the same time it really fit in the piece and if you consider making this into a song and playing it for someone it *might* work. Also, it's been a while since I saw those words fully written out in a poem/song, but that might be just me. I usually avoid this kind of stuff.
I liked the calendars/watches stanza.

I can go over this line per line, but I guess I'd have to use the word 'cliché' a lot. Let me know and I'll gladly do it but for now this is all I have to say.

Please have a look at this, if you can be bothered.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=786374