#1
Pop punk. About a girl. Please tell me what you think.

Verse 1:
Don't even say its over
I've worked too long and hard for you
Looks like my four leafed clover
Just turned into a bag of douche
And now you say that I'm
Not even worth your time
I think I'm in denial
So let's go out tomorrow

Chorus:
Please stick around for a while
Cuz I don't wanna be alone
And I would love to know why
All my relationships just blow
And there is nothing worse than being the guy
Who lost the girl who never tried
And left him all alone
Cuz she got bored

Verse 2:
Don't say to not say never
Because you never let me say
That together forever
Is getting lamer every day
And I'd say its alright
But then you'd start a fight
And acting so lighthearted
Is getting so retarded

Chorus:
Please stick around for a while
Cuz I don't wanna be alone
And I would love to know why
All my relationships just blow
And there is nothing worse than being the guy
Who lost the girl who never tried
And left him all on his own
Cuz she got bored

Bridge:
Maybe I'm stuck believing
That everything will be okay
And I'm just not conceiving
That I'm an idiot to stay

Outro:
Cuz there is nothing worse than being the guy
Who lost the girl who never tried
And then left him all on his own
Cuz she got bored
#2
It was pretty good. The beginning of the second verse is a little hard to understand. For me at least. I really liked the Chorus. Very easy to relate to. I like the way it's written. It's simple, but good. Crit mine? Its called A tribute To You (on this valentine's day). Really great song dude. So easy to relate to.
#3
hmmm. A lot of the lines came across a little too juvenile to me even for a pop punk song. Like the 'bag of douche' line and the 'all my relationships blow' line. I think the lines that come across a little cheesy are obvious so i'm not going to point every one of them out. I would just suggest cleaning it up a little. Its not bad, by any means. and maybe it goes great with the style of music you're playing.

thanks for the comment on mine.
#4
i like it, seems like it'd be really catchy. the last line of the chorus is iffy though.
ADELOS
POP PUNK
for fans of...

Motion City Soundtrack, Get Up Kids, Jimmy Eat World, Transit, Brand New, Dashboard Confessional, Early November, Fall Out Boy, Jawbreaker, Polar Bear Club, The Story So Far, the Wonder Years, Something Corporate.
#5
i liked it though it was a little bland. The only thing i think You could change is the douche part it really throws off the flow. I like the way you make it a little juvenille, but, and i may be wrong; It is very hard to express the actual feelingf of a Juvenille, if you've never been treated or considered one, and when i say considered I mean literally. (I would know, I'm not proud of it but I've basically been labeled a Juvinille for the rest of my life. I've been to rehab twice, and had to spend 3 months in a Juvinille detention center for somthing I didnt do. I am not living at Riverside Military Academy thoughout the remainder of my High School carrer, or untill my parents let me leave) If you would like to know more about the life a a juvie, for your lyrics, dont hesitate to ask.
(I know my spelling of some of these words was horrible I,m really tired)

c4c
#6
Quote by anOnyMouSanIe
hmmm. A lot of the lines came across a little too juvenile to me even for a pop punk song. Like the 'bag of douche' line and the 'all my relationships blow' line. I think the lines that come across a little cheesy are obvious so i'm not going to point every one of them out. I would just suggest cleaning it up a little. Its not bad, by any means. and maybe it goes great with the style of music you're playing.

thanks for the comment on mine.


+1. Can't help but to agree with that. Who knows, it might flow great with music, ad might sound awesome. It's hard to read some stuff and like it without hearing music or a melody. I look at some great writers and read their stuff without music and I think alot less of it.

Get some audio of it sometime, my opinion will probably change.
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#7
thanks guys. just for reference im only 17. so when i write im basically only writing what comes naturally
#8
this is really well done though i have to agree with the rest the douche part is to much mabey another word possibly.

c4c