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BrianApocalypse
Prozac Junkie
Join date: May 2004
7,782 IQ
#1
Hello everyone, I decided to make a thread for jokes related to punk.

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/joke

Here is a bad joke generator, I use it to make bad jokes such as:

Where does Danzig go on holiday?
Shortugal

Where does Ian mackaye go on holiday?
Crapan

What does Ian Mackaye have for dinner?
DUMPlings

What does Ian Mackaye have for desert?
A nice juicy c0ck

and so on, rip away.
Last edited by BrianApocalypse at Feb 15, 2008,
werty22
Banned
Join date: Dec 2006
1,095 IQ
#2
Q. What's the similarity between an elephant and a plum?
A. They're both purple, except for the elephant.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants charging over the hill?
A. "Here come the elephants!"

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw plums charging over the hill?
A. "Here come the elephants!" (He was color blind.)

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants wearing sunglasses charging over the hill?
A. Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw giraffes charging over the hill?
A. "Ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q. What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A. An elephant six-pack.

Q. What do elephants take when they get hysterical?
A. Trunkquilizers.

Q. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It was tied to the first elephant.

Q. Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It thought it was a game.

Q. Why did the tree fall over?
A. It thought it was an elephant.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A. Big holes all over Australia.

Q. What's gray and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A. An inside out elephant.

Q. What's gray and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A. Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.

Q. What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
A. Nothing. It just gave a little wine.

Q. What does an elephant smell like before he takes a shower?
A. An elephant.

Q. What does an elephant smell like after he takes a shower?
A. A wet elephant.

Q. What do you call an elephant riding on a train?
A. A passenger.

Q. What happened when an elephant took the bus?
A. The police made him give it back.

Q. What's gray, has two tusks, and weighs 3,000 pounds?
A. A statue of a walrus.

Q. Why are elephants terrible dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet.

Q. How do you make a slow elephant fast?
A. Take away all of his peanuts.

Q. Why did all the elephants wear red sweatshirts?
A. They were all on the same team.

Q. What has twelve legs, is pink, and chants, "Na, na, na"?
A. Three pink elephants singing "Hey Jude."

Q. What's the best way to make an elephant sculpture?
A. Take a block of marble and a chisel, and chip away anything that doesn't look like elephant.

Q. Where do baby elephants come from?
A. Really, really big storks.

Q. Why is an elephant large, gray, hairy, and wrinkly?
A. Because if it were small, white, hairless, and smooth, it'd be an aspirin.

Q. Why did the elephant dry his dishes with a blue dish towel?
A. Because they were wet.

Q. Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
A. Because they kept letting their trunks down.

Q. What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A. Cold ones.

Q. What did the river say when the elephant sat in it?
A. "Well, I'll be dammed!"

Q. How do you tell if there is an elephant in your bed?
A. The big "E" on his pajamas.

Q. How do you tell if there is an elephant under your bed?
A. The ceiling is REALLY close.

Oh, punk jokes. I thought you said elephant jokes. My bad.
BrianApocalypse
Prozac Junkie
Join date: May 2004
7,782 IQ
#4
haha, I was going to say.

Although Elephants can play punk, just look at Steve Jones!

/shouldn't really laugh at that one, is a bit of a Jonesy himself.
Chaise Boogie
So So Ska
Join date: Oct 2005
2,305 IQ
#5
Just, wtf was with all those elephant jokes? I mean...how many can there be...
vamprocker
UGs Kerry King
Join date: Jan 2007
194 IQ
#6
What Do You Call A Punk Guitarist With Half A Brain

Overquallifed
THE KREATOR OF THE ALL METAL AND KERRY KING GROUP PM ME TO JOIN
Proud BLACK 13 Owner
RIP Charles Michael "Chuck" Schuldiner THE FATHER OF DEATH METAL
GOD HATES US ALL-SLAYER
BrianApocalypse
Prozac Junkie
Join date: May 2004
7,782 IQ
#8
How many Elephants does it take to start a ska band?
None, they're too white.

Did you hear about the elephant who joined Sonic Boom Six?
She's called Laila.
BrianApocalypse
Prozac Junkie
Join date: May 2004
7,782 IQ
#11
Quote by RockThe40oz
What's The Casualties's favourite book?
A Tale Of Two Shities




Seriously, everyone knows that the Casualties are true punks and therefore can't read...
ianscrandlecake
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2007
56 IQ
#12
someone get that punk a drink, he looks perched...

wait bird not punk my bad
This is Ian speaking
Resista El Impirio :stickpoke
axeslash
I got no learnin'
Join date: Jan 2006
3,485 IQ
#13
What do you call a metalhed with half a brain?
I forget the punch line, but their mothers are promiscuous and fornicate often.
Journalism is just a gun. It's only got one bullet in it, but if you aim right, that's all you need. Aim it right, and you can blow a kneecap off the world.
original=punk
Banned
Join date: Jan 2007
2,482 IQ
#14
Quote by axeslash
What do you call a metalhed with half a brain?
I forget the punch line, but their mothers are promiscuous and fornicate often.



what's the difference between an ill mallard and your mother?

one's a sick duck, i forget the rest but your mother's a *****.


that is the only good thing SNL has ever done.
neidnarb11890
gentle collapsing
Join date: Mar 2006
270 IQ
#15
Quote by werty22
Q. What's the similarity between an elephant and a plum?
A. They're both purple, except for the elephant.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants charging over the hill?
A. "Here come the elephants!"

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw plums charging over the hill?
A. "Here come the elephants!" (He was color blind.)

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants wearing sunglasses charging over the hill?
A. Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw giraffes charging over the hill?
A. "Ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q. What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A. An elephant six-pack.

Q. What do elephants take when they get hysterical?
A. Trunkquilizers.

Q. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It was tied to the first elephant.

Q. Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It thought it was a game.

Q. Why did the tree fall over?
A. It thought it was an elephant.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A. Big holes all over Australia.

Q. What's gray and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A. An inside out elephant.

Q. What's gray and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A. Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.

Q. What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
A. Nothing. It just gave a little wine.

Q. What does an elephant smell like before he takes a shower?
A. An elephant.

Q. What does an elephant smell like after he takes a shower?
A. A wet elephant.

Q. What do you call an elephant riding on a train?
A. A passenger.

Q. What happened when an elephant took the bus?
A. The police made him give it back.

Q. What's gray, has two tusks, and weighs 3,000 pounds?
A. A statue of a walrus.

Q. Why are elephants terrible dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet.

Q. How do you make a slow elephant fast?
A. Take away all of his peanuts.

Q. Why did all the elephants wear red sweatshirts?
A. They were all on the same team.

Q. What has twelve legs, is pink, and chants, "Na, na, na"?
A. Three pink elephants singing "Hey Jude."

Q. What's the best way to make an elephant sculpture?
A. Take a block of marble and a chisel, and chip away anything that doesn't look like elephant.

Q. Where do baby elephants come from?
A. Really, really big storks.

Q. Why is an elephant large, gray, hairy, and wrinkly?
A. Because if it were small, white, hairless, and smooth, it'd be an aspirin.

Q. Why did the elephant dry his dishes with a blue dish towel?
A. Because they were wet.

Q. Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
A. Because they kept letting their trunks down.

Q. What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A. Cold ones.

Q. What did the river say when the elephant sat in it?
A. "Well, I'll be dammed!"

Q. How do you tell if there is an elephant in your bed?
A. The big "E" on his pajamas.

Q. How do you tell if there is an elephant under your bed?
A. The ceiling is REALLY close.

Oh, punk jokes. I thought you said elephant jokes. My bad.


For some reason I found that hilarious.
lolmnt
Earth of the Butt
Join date: Sep 2006
4,159 IQ
#16
Quote by neidnarb11890

For some reason I found that hilarious.
I did laugh pretty hard
*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
Mav-16
UG Senior Member
Join date: Jan 2007
372 IQ
#17
So...........

how many Punks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

20

1 to screw it in and 19 to call him a SELLOUT!
I love all forms of Rock 'n' Roll, past and NOT present
DanRev
Boom/Bap?
Join date: Nov 2005
129 IQ
#18
Quote by BrianApocalypse

Did you hear about the elephant who joined Sonic Boom Six?
She's called Laila.



Cameronrobson
Self-proclaimed beatnik
Join date: Dec 2007
389 IQ
#19
Q What do you call the guy with all the tattoos from Black Flag?
A Henry Rollins

Q Why did the Misfits cross the road?
A There was merchandising opportunities at the other side.

Q What is a great way to bring about social revolution?
A Basic chord progressions and inaudible lyrics.

Q How many members of Greenday does it take to hop on a bandwagon four years ago?
A Three, but four on some songs.

Q What is the most rebbelious thing a punk can do?
Spell things rong.
two and a half men.
dannay
Banned
Join date: Dec 2005
486 IQ
#20
Quote by Cameronrobson
Q What do you call the guy with all the tattoos from Black Flag?
A Henry Rollins

Q Why did the Misfits cross the road?
A There was merchandising opportunities at the other side.


Q What is a great way to bring about social revolution?
A Basic chord progressions and inaudible lyrics.

Q How many members of Greenday does it take to hop on a bandwagon four years ago?
A Three, but four on some songs.

Q What is the most rebbelious thing a punk can do?
Spell things rong.

this man wins. for the misfits joke and the jello biafra avatar.
original=punk
Banned
Join date: Jan 2007
2,482 IQ
#21
Really, i only liked one of your jokes Cameronrobinson, and thats the misfits one.

Cause at the end of the day, when all is said and done, you really gotta let go. You seem to have either a lot of hatred towards thing, or you have a good sense of humour to recognize the fact that jokes don't have to speak your true opinion.
BrianApocalypse
Prozac Junkie
Join date: May 2004
7,782 IQ
#22
^ Agreed.

I love the misfits, it's just that I also like ripping on them even more.
kaptink
whoa-oh-oh
Join date: Jun 2006
651 IQ
#23
Q:How many Ramones does it take to screw in a light bulb?


A:"one, two, three, four!"
RizzoWashburn
Unregistered User
Join date: Mar 2007
283 IQ
#24
How many Punks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3, 1 to screw it in and 2 to argue about who did it first.
Edwards Les Paul Custom
Burny SG Junior
DIY Telecaster
Keeley RAT 2
Marshall JCM 800 4104
Ska Wars
Call Marcus!
Join date: Sep 2006
1,118 IQ
#25
How many punks does it take to change a light bulb?

None, punks never change anything.

Got it from the Operation: Cliff Clavin song.
And clenching your fist for the ones like us
Who are oppressed by the figures of beauty,
You fixed yourself, you said, "Well, never mind,
We are ugly, but we have the music."
StreetLight3989
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2007
1,950 IQ
#26
The worst joke ever.

Dude 1:Wow, look at those peacocks playing ****ty music!

Dude 2:That's Just The Casualties.

Dude 1:Oh, UP DA P0NX!

Dude 2: YEAH, UP DA P0NX!
I'm the same as I was when I was six years old
And oh my god I feel so damn old
I don't really feel anything
gopherthegreat
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2007
592 IQ
#28
Q: What's Jello's favourite film?
A: The Lord of the Rings: The Jellowship of the Ring


Jack my swag
Last edited by gopherthegreat at Feb 17, 2008,
original=punk
Banned
Join date: Jan 2007
2,482 IQ
#29
Quote by Ska Wars
How many punks does it take to change a light bulb?

None, punks never change anything.

Got it from the Operation: Cliff Clavin song.



good band, i knwo one thats basically the same.


How many riot grrls does it take to change a light bulb?

None, feminists never change anything.
mike2
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2005
967 IQ
#30
ha....feminists...with their "I want to be equal" attitude

it's cute...honestly...it is...
Quote by BrianApocalypse
Rancid are the best punk band ever.

Tim Armstrong is a songwriting genius, is a complete fashion diva and has an incredible singing voice.

He doesn't sound like Opie from family guy at all.
original=punk
Banned
Join date: Jan 2007
2,482 IQ
#31
Quote by mike2
ha....feminists...with their "I want to be equal" attitude

it's cute...honestly...it is...



no, feminists with their "I'm better than you because I was oppressed for ages" attitude. It's not cute, it really isn't.
sargasm
1977 and we are going mad
Join date: May 2003
1,817 IQ
#32
Feminists, with their being generalized by the idiots who give feminism a bad name.

Anyway, how many punks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Punks can't afford electricity. lolol.
BostonLacrosse
HEY SUBURBIA!!
Join date: Apr 2005
333 IQ
#33
how many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?

none...all the punks are dead
Propaganda does not deceive people; it merely helps them to deceive themselves-Eric Hoffer

Quote by GannonBracewell

CBGB wants to be famous like the others such as Green Day and Offspring. They don't want to be a underground punk band.
crustyreed
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2007
493 IQ
#34
Quote by mike2
ha....feminists...with their "I want to be equal" attitude

it's cute...honestly...it is...


i was just upstairs, and on the news it was talking about this nutty catholic school that didn't allow female referees to ref mens basketball. why? because it says women should NEVER have authority over men.
original=punk
Banned
Join date: Jan 2007
2,482 IQ
#35
Quote by sargasm
Feminists, with their being generalized by the idiots who give feminism a bad name.


Might be where I come from, I've never met one feminist who wanted equality. So excuse my bitterness.
IlikeTheSKA
Respect my conglomerate
Join date: Apr 2004
300 IQ
#36
What kind of shoes to the Casualties wear?
Nike Dunx
My style is impetuous.
My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious.
I want your heart.
I want to eat your children.

-Mike Tyson
DanRev
Boom/Bap?
Join date: Nov 2005
129 IQ
#37
How many ska fans does it take to change a light bulb.


2, one to take the old one out and the other to pick it up


Apologies if its already been done.
BrianApocalypse
Prozac Junkie
Join date: May 2004
7,782 IQ
#38
How many old punks does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, because they're by far superior to young punks.
ss311
Bertrand Russell
Join date: Jul 2005
4,096 IQ
#39
Is it wrong that I find most of these hilarious?
RizzoWashburn
Unregistered User
Join date: Mar 2007
283 IQ
#40
How many BrianApocalypses does it take to change a light bulb?

Multiple, because he's in college and technically still a "young punk".

Edwards Les Paul Custom
Burny SG Junior
DIY Telecaster
Keeley RAT 2
Marshall JCM 800 4104