#1
Its a poem. Some I started I would estimate around 8 months ago, came across it tonight, and finished it I guess. Make your own interpretations, crit for crit as well, just leave, or unleave, me links. Ha.


I’ll sit and watch the leaves amber then fall
A site so familiar, as she’s come and gone
Leaving me hanging on a twig to wish
That somewhere she’ll bloom in my life again
But
The sun deceives as I freeze alone
In a micro ice age
And
She soars along a winter’s breeze…

It’s summer somewhere far from here
As the ice has aged
Spring never did bud
Then
I felt a brisk zephyr and on it
A leaf came along
Spring-like and all
As she quickly ambers
She’s quickly gone
But
The leaf falls
In full bloom
And I’ve never
Felt more
Alone…
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#2
Quote by societies_worm
Its a poem. Some I started I would estimate around 8 months ago, came across it tonight, and finished it I guess. Make your own interpretations, crit for crit as well, just leave, or unleave, me links. Ha.


I’ll sit and watch the leaves amber then fall "Amber" seems to work here, but is "to amber" a verb?
A site so familiar, as she’s come and gone
Leaving me hanging on a twig to wish I like the snappy flow to "twig to wish"
That somewhere she’ll bloom in my life again
But
The sun deceives as I freeze alone
In a micro ice age
And
She soars along a winter’s breeze…

Seems OK, I don't really have anything good or bad to say about this stanza

It’s summer somewhere far from here
As the ice has aged I like this play on "ice age"
Spring never did bud
Then
I felt a brisk zephyr and on it Nice wording
A leaf came along
Spring-like and all "all" sounds wrong, something like "fresh" or "new" works better for me
As she quickly ambers
She’s quickly gone
But
The leaf falls
In full bloom
And I’ve never
Felt more
Alone…


I like it, although the flow of the two halves seems a bit different. I guess you wrote one half recently, and the other half last year - as your intro explains?

I think you may have left a crit on one of my pieces in the past, but it would be good if you could take a quick look at Gloucester Road