#1
Whats in the Mirror is a Different World

She wastes away, its another day
time has fallen in her eyes
Fading now, its hard to tell
if this is the last time before she dies

Her skin cracks and peels away
and its hard to make it through another day

She's so tired, she goes to bed
nearly gone and its all in her head
she's so cold, she needs the rest
so alone and she has given her best

The emptyness inside, to hide whats here
Hatred of this hollowed husk
Can't even dream, whats really in that mirror
this starved shell will soon disapear

She is left here beside
now only remants of what was a perfect life

_______________________________________________________

Still a work in progress. needs something, just not sure what yet
Third stanza will prolly be the chorus. I'll be needing some input on the title. I came up with that on the spot and I don't know if I really care for it.

I would like everyone to make a guess as to what the song is about even if you arn't doing a critique. I seem to have problems making my message clear sometimes.

-Ryan
#2
im guessing change over time of some type
im likeing the rhythm in the first "stanza" it seems to carry through the song pretty well
im not sure about the word mirror in the second to last it rymes but i dont think it does this justice now about the last part
"She is left here beside now only remants of what was a perfect life" i think you should find maybe something that fits there like a alternate chorus but all in all i like it
#3
Quote by Jared R. Boyd

Still a work in progress. needs something, just not sure what yet
Third stanza will prolly be the chorus. I'll be needing some input on the title. I came up with that on the spot and I don't know if I really care for it.

I would like everyone to make a guess as to what the song is about even if you arn't doing a critique. I seem to have problems making my message clear sometimes.

-Ryan


I'm reading that the first part is about old age, but it strikes me that the latter half is more about an eating disorder.

I don't like the 2nd line of the 3rd stanza/chorus. "and its all in her head" is a line from Mr. Brightside by The Killers - the only difference being her=my.

The title seems a bit contradictory. Off the top of my head, how about "If only the mirror was a different world" - but hey, it's your song

EDIT: Perhaps you could add a stanza about how her life used to be, to contrast the images from what you've currently got?
#4
Anorexia to be exact.

Sister was in the thick of it when I wrote this song. In recovery medicine. I didn't want to finish this for a long time. But now, I feel like not finishing this is just sweeping the issue under the carpet.

Thanks for the feedback,

-Ryan