#1
i wrote this based on the clown from the movie IT. which happens to be one of my favorite movies =D.

I read and agreed with some of the corrections that were posted and ive made them. Id like to thank you all for helping try and make this work.


The stench of death has returned to this town.
for he has risen from depths of hell.
The taste of blood has dissolved in his mouth.
Now he hungers for his children, his teeth drip with anticipation.

Dont look into his dead lights,
he will imbue his fear.
Dont look into his dead lights,
he will rip you apart.
Dont look into his dead lights,
by his teeth, you'll meet your maker.

For hundreds of year's hes reigned with terror.
thriveing on the scent of your childrens innocence.
with a white face, he will instill his terror,
as your children hallucinate their greatest fears.
The taste of your offspring is all that will satisfy,
this evils hunger from which they cannot hide.
With a grinn he will playfully shake your hand,
then turn face and rip your limbs apart.
Last edited by mnava18 at Feb 18, 2008,
#2
what a ray of sunshine

no seriously it would make a killer death metal song. btw i love this movie too, it still scares the bejebus out of me after i watch (especially in the shower)
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#3
lol i know what u mean. It took about 5 years for me to even go near the drain in my shower =(
#4
Aha, this is neat seeing this on here. I love IT. I have the DVD and the ebook of it, just PM me if you want me to send it sometime. It's like 1,000 pages but I read it all on the computer.

Anyway, the song/poem has some pretty generic rhymes to be honest. I like the first part, but the second and third are riddled with SO much punctuation errors it's hard to stay focused. Also, "children" should be "children's".

E: I'd like to see you revise those parts. But I can totally see it already as being the musical theme to the movie.
Last edited by Leonheart at Feb 17, 2008,
#5
good lyrics. that movie was the bomb.
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#6
Quote by mnava18
i wrote this based on the clown from the movie IT. which happens to be one of my favorite movies =D


The stench of death has returned to this town.
for he has risen from depths of hell.
The taste of blood has dissolved from his mouth.
"from" seemed like the wrong word to use. The taste of blood has dissolved in his mouth?
Now he hungers for his children, his teeth drip with anticipation.
Nice imagery.

Dont look into his dead lights,
hell imbue his fear.
Dont look into his dead lights,
hell rip you apart.
Imo, these lines in italic would be better/flow better as "He will".
Dont look into his dead lights,
by his teeth, youll meet your maker.

For hundreds of years, hes reigned with terror.
thriveing on th scent of your children innocence.
A white face , with the eyes of a beast.
You've just used the image of him having "dead lights", which I took to be his eyes, now you're changing that imagery, seems a little odd.
Your children is all that will satisfy, this evils hunger for blood and death.
With a grinn he'll playfully shake your hand, then turn face and rip your limbs apart.
Again, I think it would flow better using "he will".


Overall, the imagery is nice, but the flow is let down by the punctuation, and lack of in cases. It's hard to read without any proper indication of listing or parenthesis.

I didn't like the sudden change of "dead lights" becoming "eyes of a beast".

Please crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=787956

thanks, martin
#7
Quote by martinb
Overall, the imagery is nice, but the flow is let down by the punctuation, and lack of in cases. It's hard to read without any proper indication of listing or parenthesis.

I didn't like the sudden change of "dead lights" becoming "eyes of a beast".

Please crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=787956

thanks, martin



the dead lights arnt exactly his eyes, the dead lights that he produces can come out of anywere i believe. Its came out his eyes, and also his stomach when hes in alien form
Last edited by mnava18 at Feb 18, 2008,