#1
this is a verse for an acoustic song i'm writing i just wanted to see if any one thought it was okay.. it's about after you break up with a girl and you miss them and you want it to go back to how it is but at the same time you always know it just wasn't meant to be.


I guess i'm not good enough
sharing my feelings was a bluff
everything i was for you
guess dreams just don't come true
staring at the stars so bright
wishing i could make it right
me and you over again
start anew just be friends
don't know where our love went
but together our time is spent
can't we calm down to discuss
someone's out there just for us.
this conversations' over due
i guess my true love just isn't you.
Last edited by vincemario at Feb 17, 2008,
#2
aw it sounds so sad. =(
but I liked it, I like the rhyme scheme, and the point gets across nicely. =)
#3
haha it's supposed to be sad but i don't want to use the whole like i'm gonna end my life scheme because life's good but we gotta look at the bright sides of every thing.
#4
its good but might i suggest changing "guess dreams dont come true"i guess some dreams just dont come true" it has a better flow to it. and you should put an and into "start anew and just be friends" overall its good, i feel like the lines are a bit to short though, you might want to throw in some articles or something to fill out some of the lines.

oh and please crit mine mare morbus.