#1
hay everyone,
I got this new idea for a song i just wrote this little part to see what you think. please crit any crit is helpful and i will crit back just leave an link.

So just let go
Of all your fear
Release your mind
And go with the flow

You shall be fine
Ill see u at the end
Of the ride of your life
With a brand new smile


Thanks,
C4C (leave link)
#2
Quote by lmcca66
hay everyone,
I got this new idea for a song i just wrote this little part to see what you think. please crit any crit is helpful and i will crit back just leave an link.

So just let go
Of all your fear
Release your mind
And go with the flow

You shall be fine
Ill see u at the end
Of the ride of your life
With a brand new smile


Thanks,
C4C (leave link)


I always find it difficult to pack a message in to really short lines, so I don't know if you'll struggle to weave a rich picture, i.e. you're limiting the length of words you can use.

It has a decent flow - which probably stems from the short lines - and seems like a good end to a song though. I'd like to see what you can make of it.
#3
Quote by lmcca66
So just let go
Of all your fear
Release your mind
And go with the flow

You shall be fine
Ill see u at the end
Of the ride of your life
With a brand new smile


Well, for the moment I think it flows well. Hmm the last two lines are making a good ending I think. But it's quite hard to crit just on that. >_< You're gonna expand it later right ? I think I'm gonna give a better crit then.

If you have time, if you could look at mine plz =]
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=789826
#4
This would make a nice bridge. You should write more of the song based around thes ideas here of letting go and coming back new or whole again..
#8
i liked it... it flowed nicely and i think it packs a pretty good punch... i think either you might be able to fit something in between the two stanzas or use that as kinda your bridge/ending part... but send me the link when you get it done i wanna read/hear it... and thanks for the crit on my Dear Heart post greatly appreciated