#1
Betrayer


The art of protection
Mans greatest invention
Could not protect him from those
Who neglect him
Soldier treated so badly
His color, his race
His once enemies now show
A different face

Locking and loading
The pain in his heart
Turns the tables
Now how did this start?

On the other side
One who understands
In them confide
Living, giving hands
More than name and rank
They care how I feel
More than name and rank
They know I am real

He sleeps now in silence
He has escaped the violence
They know not of his defiance
Mama your boy will make it home
He treks across the sands
Pockets stuffed with battle plans
Actions echo across the lands
Right and wrong exist no longer

Locking and loading
The pain in his heart
Turns the tables
Now how did this start?

On the other side
One who understands
In them confide
Living, giving hands
More than name and rank
They care how I feel
More than name and rank
They know I am real

It's never been like him to see things clearly
He wants his own dead, sincerely
Explain to me the graves outside
He gave them up

Nothing he can say could make things right
They have already lost their final fight

Locking and loading
The pain in his heart
Turns the tables
Now how did this start?

On the other side
One who understands
In them confide
Living, giving hands
More than name and rank
They care how I feel
More than name and rank
They know I am real
life is beautifuuuuooooaaaaaal
#2
This has a definite rhythm to it, perhaps it will work in song, this is not to say i like it that much.

Stand alone, the rhymes and structure make it tedious and predictable to read.

As i say so much on this board, take the subject matter and write it in a new and exciting way. Read other authors who do this well and learn a thing or two, otherwise i think you'll likely just write the same boring lines over and over.

Yeah.