#1
Quote by The Broken Fairground Rides
“Almost there”, as an angel braids her hair,
Clutching an unopened letter,
From a lover separated by the sea,
And the never ending gates of eternity,

Turned the autumn wheel,
I could feel the sunshine on her breath,
She told of the story when she shook hands with death,
She smiled and made him feel alive for a little while,

If you had met her,
You would not trust your eyes to see,
The most perfect of all creatures,
Swooped down and kissed me,

If she was my Achilles heel,
Then I would gladly fall,
I would gladly kneel,
Because she is the one that saved me,
From the cruel beast of it all,
And from the ashes I will call,
A phoenix song to carry on,
To deliver me to her door,
No matter how many steps I walk

More poetry than a song, inspired by Iron & Wine.
Bear in mind there are two characters, two view points.
Will crit for crit.
Last edited by FreedomFighter at Feb 17, 2008,
#2
I didn't like the basic rhyming scheme in the first three stanzas... I did like the first two lines of the last stanza though: "If she was my Achilles heel,
Then I would gladly fall," I know it might be a little cliche, but that doesn't change the fact that you portrayed it in an effective and powerful manner. The imagery in the second stanza is also top notch. Overall, I thought it was an enjoyable read. Good work. If you could have a little read over my newest song, 'A farcical blind shot laced full of temptation' I would be really grateful. It's in my sig. Of course i'm not expecting a full crit considering I didn't crit this one properly
Gord