#1
Here's another song, called Fix Me.

The idea of the song is essentially that someone is just completely ****ed up, they're full of problems, and they just really want some help, but at the same time, they almost like being psychotic.

C4C : D


Fix Me


(Chorus)Fix me, I'm broken.
I'm beaten, I'm fallen.
Put me - in my place
A misfit, delinquent.(Chorus)

(Verse 1)Stop my - addictions
Help me kill these demons
Help me stop these urges
That I just can't seem to shake.

Kill all of these thoughts
Burnin' in my brain.
You don't need to tell me, 'cause
I know that I'm insane!(Verse 1)

(Chorus)Fix me, I'm broken.
I'm beaten, I'm fallen.
Put me - in my place.
A misfit; delinquent.(Chorus)



I'm kind of having a writers block for a second verse...but, how does it sound so far? Any tips and criticism will be appreciated.
Last edited by TwilightX at Feb 18, 2008,
#2
Quote by TwilightX
Here's another song, called Fix Me.

The idea of the song is essentially that someone is just completely ****ed up, they're full of problems, and they just really want some help, but at the same time, they almost like being psychotic.

C4C : D


Fix Me


(Chorus)Fix me, I'm broken.
I'm beaten, I'm fallen.
Put me - in my place
A misfit, delinquent.(Chorus)

Good poppy (i hope) chorus, suit a punky band like AFI or something like that

(Verse 1)Stop my - addictions
Help me kill these demons
Help me stop these urges
That I just can't seem to shake.

Again, good flow and solid wording that follows the theme you set out in the top, Slight change for last line here works very well IMO

Kill all of these thoughts
Burnin' in my brain.
You don't need to tell me, 'cause
I know that I'm insane!(Verse 1)

Good end to the 1st verse but seems a pretty radical departure from the tone of the previous part. Too big IMO, might work as a start to a second verse, but I personally find it too harsh to bridge with the chorus here....

(Chorus)Fix me, I'm broken.
I'm beaten, I'm fallen.
Put me - in my place.
A misfit; delinquent.(Chorus)



I'm kind of having a writers block for a second verse...but, how does it sound so far? Any tips and criticism will be appreciated.



Overall nice post-hardcore feel and good flow, might be a bit cliche perhaps? and needs a 2nd verse to really get a feel for it. Good Luck
#3
Yes i really like it but i think it might be a little chiche but overall i liked it a good start anyway but you reaally have to finsih it though because i see alot of potential. and for the crit that you left me on my piece it is more about helping a friend through a tough time just trying to keep them happy
#4
This song has got alot of potential so make sure you finish it and post the rest up for us to see. Like the other guys said, it is a little cliche and it does seem like it would suit a pop/punk kinda situation? Return the crit on my latest piece? Link is here:

Take a Picture
#5
Quote by TwilightX
Here's another song, called Fix Me.

The idea of the song is essentially that someone is just completely ****ed up, they're full of problems, and they just really want some help, but at the same time, they almost like being psychotic.

C4C : D


Fix Me


(Chorus)Fix me, I'm broken.
I'm beaten, I'm fallen.
Put me - in my place
A misfit, delinquent.(Chorus)

Nice catchy chorus. I think the word "delinquent" in the last line breaks flow a little, but then again I don't know how it sounds as a song, so I can't really judge

(Verse 1)Stop my - addictions
Help me kill these demons
Help me stop these urges
That I just can't seem to shake.

The second line is a little cliche. This verse flows very well though. It follows on from the chorus nicely as well. A solid first verse.

Kill all of these thoughts
Burnin' in my brain.
You don't need to tell me, 'cause
I know that I'm insane!(Verse 1)

Catchy, has good flow, but for some reason I still didn't like it... That's probably just my own views though so don't take that criticism too seriously The last line is a nice lead into the chorus.

(Chorus)Fix me, I'm broken.
I'm beaten, I'm fallen.
Put me - in my place.
A misfit; delinquent.(Chorus)



I'm kind of having a writers block for a second verse...but, how does it sound so far? Any tips and criticism will be appreciated.


Overall, it didn't really appeal to me, but I can tell that's just because of my taste in lyrics. It was a solid song though, it flows very well. It is a little cliche in parts. Can you return the crit on my latest song, 'A farcical blind shot laced full of delusion'? The link's in my sig. Thanks.
Gord