#1
Hi, I just posted a song I wrote awhile ago called My Personal Angel, and I'd like to know what people think (obviously ). Anyways, it's a really rough demo, my guitar playing and my singing could've been a bit better, in my opinion, but I'll let you decide. It is posted in my profile, and in return for listening and leaving your comments, I will crit your songs, just tell me where they are (profile, whatever) and I'll get on it as soon as I can.
Thanks,
claptonfan55
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton
#2
Checking it out right now.

Very laid back and quite nice.

Part of the verse that starts at the 22 sec mark could use a rewrite. Not only is it imo super generic but you can hear that even you dont like them through the vocals.

When you sing the line "my personal angel" slow it down just a tad , sounds rushed.

"angel cant you see your love is all I need" yucky line dude....

Perhaps use "my personal angel be mine tonight" earlier and axe that other line.

I would consider playing this in a half step down tuning or just move everything to a higher or lower chord. Your voice is nice and gentle but your not in your vocal "sweet spot".

Good stuff man.

If your super bored I have a song in my profile...just an improve jam leave a crit if you like.
If you check my profile song please leave a comment on any part.....THANKS!!!
#3
thanks for the crit so fast, you have some good points. it was a simple love song, though, so there will be some kinda yucky lines , but oh well. and i think i see your point about the lyrics at the 22 sec mark, it does seem rather generic. i'm not sure if i'll do everything you mentioned, but i probably play with some of it. thanks again.
"Notes are expensive. . .use them wisely"-B.B. King

"It's been very important throughout my career that I've met all the guys I've copied, because at each stage they've said, 'Don't play like me, play like you."-Eric Clapton
#4
Quote by claptonfan55
thanks for the crit so fast, you have some good points. it was a simple love song, though, so there will be some kinda yucky lines , but oh well. and i think i see your point about the lyrics at the 22 sec mark, it does seem rather generic. i'm not sure if i'll do everything you mentioned, but i probably play with some of it. thanks again.


Your welcome.

BTW yucky lines can = magic as well.

Believe me I struggle with lyrics. With the typical love song imo its best to just sit down take a quick breath and pretend the person your writting about is sitting there in front of you. Say the things that you would tell them, not as if your writting a song but your most inner thoughts...makes for great lyrics.
If you check my profile song please leave a comment on any part.....THANKS!!!
#5
I liked it. You have a nice singing voice. It will improve the more you do it. Try to bring the vocal down an octave and see if that sounds better. If not then do what your doing. You sound a lot like Don Henley of the Eagles. Lyrics were fine in my book. Remember any one crit is only 1 persons opinion. I wouldn't change a thing other than putting a band behind it if you ever recorded for sale.

Thanks for sharing the song.

Would you mind reviewing Requiem for the Sixties?

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/sh...ad.php?t=789531

It's the second song.