#1
untitled
by me

*verse*
so you know how they say,
lucky is better than good?
well anyway,
i guess i never thought you would.

*pre-chorus*
so i'll hang up my shoes,
and i'll think it through.
because im not so sure
that i really want you.

*chorus*
when will i learn
that even if i yearn
for your loving care
it will never be there

*breakdown*
so i guess i'll go back
to square one
and the more that i think
i say **** it we're done
cuz i always care
but your never there
and id be with you
whatever we go through
but im wasting my time
oh god i have wasted my life

*pre-chorus*

*chorus*
when will i learn
that even if i yearn
for your loving care
it will never be there

i know its **** but be honest please comment
#2
I was gonna read the whole thing, but i felt the "hang up my shoes" line needed attention drawn to it.... You hang your shoes? hmm....
#3
well i guess it needs to be explained
an athelete is said to hang up his cleats when they retire
i guess its a bad metaphor
#4
Other than that though, I think it's pretty good.
But I don't think you really need to use f*** here. I mean, I really couldn't care less whethor or not you curse, but I personally think that there are some things that can only be described w/ curse words and the gratuitous use of them in today's world really takes away their strength.... sooner or later I'm going to have to come up with a word more powerful than f*** because of how overused it's become....

again, I thought it was good, just removing that one thing is something that I personally think could improve the quality of the whole song
#6
*reported*

please read the rules.
Meadows
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