#1
A song about a friendship that was getting worse and worse over time. Crit for crit as always....


[Verse1]

It’s just a problem, a minor flaw in the game, it’s the way you dress and it’s how you say my name. It started as an obsession, I said it couldn’t do no harm, now I’m eating my words cause our friendship isn't sailing far.

[Verse2]

You said it was a choice and one I’d have to make, I can’t seem to do right by them and can only make mistakes. Life isn’t a chord or a song you play, we’re learning more, me and you, every single day.

[Chorus]

It’s not just one problem they’re saying that I’ve got
I’ve been out of control, ever since I escaped from my cot
It can’t be a little when it started as such a lot
I can’t remember those days but yet they’ll never be forgot

[Verse3]

It’s just a speed bump, it was always gonna slow you down, but my friend you don’t need them, none of them should be around. Tell them all to leave it, and move on with their own lives. You really don’t need it, the gossip and the huen cries.

[Verse4]

Why are you taking courses, when you say you know it all, you can’t try to force your opinion when you’re about to take a fall. It’s like a war zone, the relationship we share, it seems I’m on my own, and our friendship just isn’t there.

[Bridge]

Never thought I’d have to walk this path alone
Those days of spending hours grafting then to you on msn or the phone
Thinking I could do it all with no consequence
Trying to kill 300 birds with just one stone

[Bridge]

Never thought I’d have to walk this path alone
Those days of spending hours grafting then to you on msn or the phone
Thinking I could do it all with no consequence
Trying to kill 300 birds with just one stone

[Chorus]

It’s not just one problem they’re saying that I’ve got
I’ve been out of control, ever since I escaped from my cot
It can’t be a little when it started as such a lot
I can’t remember those days and yet they’ll never be forgot.......
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
Last edited by Driveshaft Dan at Feb 19, 2008,
#2
[Verse3]

It’s just a speed bump, it was always gonna slow you down, but my friend you don’t need them, none of them should be around. Tell them all to leave it, and move on with their own lives. You really don’t need it, the gossip and the huewan cries.


"huewan cries." Is that a spelling mistake or something??? sorry if it's an actual word and i'm just daft...
Quote by sickman411
S-Gsus wept
#4
Quote by S-Gsus
"huewan cries." Is that a spelling mistake or something??? sorry if it's an actual word and i'm just daft...


Hehe cheers I meant 'Huen' which means a cry of outrage....

Cheers for both of the comments, will look at your stuff soon

Dan
BECOME A FAN!

DISCO IS DEAD!

Quote by Minkaro
(Repeat until audience is driven mad)


Quote by Zeppo
Wait a minute. Your telling me your gf is related to 'The' Robert Plant?!
#6
Quote by Driveshaft Dan
[Verse1]

It’s just a problem, a minor flaw in the game, it’s the way you dress and it’s how you say my name. It started as an obsession, I said it couldn’t do no harm, now I’m eating my words cause our friendship isn't sailing far.

"couldn't do no harm" is a double negative, presumably it's intentional? Perhaps it's the way I'm reading it, but the flow is upset by the very last few words of this verse, maybe one too many syllables.

[Verse2]

You said it was a choice and one I’d have to make, I can’t seem to do right by them and can only make mistakes. Life isn’t a chord or a song you play, we’re learning more, me and you, every single day.

My only suggestion (which makes it sound better in my head) is to move "me and you" to before "we're learning more". Up to you of course

[Chorus]

It’s not just one problem they’re saying that I’ve got
I’ve been out of control, ever since I escaped from my cot "from" seems one word too many in this line
It can’t be a little when it started as such a lot
I can’t remember those days but yet they’ll never be forgot

"but" and "yet" seem to provide the same logical construct, so I'm not sure both are needed, i.e. use one or the other but not both

[Verse3]

It’s just a speed bump, it was always gonna slow you down, but my friend you don’t need them, none of them should be around. Tell them all to leave it, and move on with their own lives. You really don’t need it, the gossip and the huen cries.

[Verse4]

Why are you taking courses, when you say you know it all, you can’t try to force your opinion when you’re about to take a fall. It’s like a war zone, the relationship we share, it seems I’m on my own, and our friendship just isn’t there.

I've nothing really to say about these 2 verses. The flow is good in both. I'm finding it very easy to relate to the message of verse 4, which is why I think it's the strongest.

[Bridge]

Never thought I’d have to walk this path alone
Those days of spending hours grafting then to you on msn or the phone This line seems to upset the flow, but I guess in a bridge you can get away with it more than in a verse.
Thinking I could do it all with no consequence
Trying to kill 300 birds with just one stone



I'm big on flow, hence why I've pointed out the bits that don't quite work for me. Sorry if it seems a bit pernickety. The flow of the bridge seemed a little off, but as it's a bridge you can probably get away with it. But other than that another good solid song.