#1
Recorded at home, co-written with my roommate who also did the singing.

http://www.myspace.com/davidandrewcook

Watching the waves sweep me away
to that place where time stops taking
precious light from us so we can see
all the sights in the world

I can't wait for the day to come when
we'll watch the sunrise miles away from anything
the sand will hold us for days, I'm sure of it
Our hearts will rise with the tide

Lady have you slept for these past three days
If you're on the clock then you're running late
Waiting on a letter addressed to my name
I've checked this mailbox and it's always the same

We could have been a memory
I learned about the sky and you taught me about the tide
We couldn't live in an hour glass
So I held your hand til we failed to make this last

Maybe we could move to the Isle of Man
Our gaze towards the sky with our hair in the sand

A brand new home, a change of scenery
If it's right for you then it's right for me
#2
Quote by Shogun Dave
Recorded at home, co-written with my roommate who also did the singing.

http://www.myspace.com/davidandrewcook

Watching the waves sweep me away
to that place where time stops taking
precious light from us so we can see
all the sights in the world

Interesting opening stanza. The first line is a little cliche, the next few lines more than make up for that though Not sure about flow... it doesn't seem to flow well at all, but maybe that's just because i'm singing it to the wrong tune in my head. In general though, I liked this stanza.

I can't wait for the day to come when
we'll watch the sunrise miles away from anything
the sand will hold us for days, I'm sure of it
Our hearts will rise with the tide

Loved the imagery in the last two lines of this stanza. Once again, it starts with a cliche, then blows it away with some creative imagery... Maybe that was your plan all along? Can't see the flow here either, but i've already explained that heh...


Lady have you slept for these past three days
If you're on the clock then you're running late
Waiting on a letter addressed to my name
I've checked this mailbox and it's always the same

The second line of this stanza is awesome! A lovely little paradox. Even though the rhyme scheme is basic, I liked the rhyming of the last two lines for some reason. Flow seems better here.

We could have been a memory
I learned about the sky and you taught me about the tide
We couldn't live in an hour glass
So I held your hand til we failed to make this last

Wow, what can I say, this stanza is also brilliant... Definitely my favourite so far. I can't see any obvious faults, apart from flow maybe, but then again I can't really tell either way... +1 for this stanza anyway

Maybe we could move to the Isle of Man
Our gaze towards the sky with our hair in the sand

Not sure about the repetition of "our" in the second line. Can't really think of anything to replace it without breaking flow though... sorry

A brand new home, a change of scenery
If it's right for you then it's right for me

I thought this was a pretty weak ending to be honest. While it is summative, it seems really basic, especially the rhyming.


Overall I loved this piece. The imagery was creative and most of the word choices were excellent. If you could crit 'A farcical blind shot laced full of temptation' in my sig, I would be most grateful.
Gord