#1
"For a girl"

Escaping before attaining
The perfect equilibrium
No hope in this voyage for balance
Embracing, this overwhelming surge of
Close-minded malignance
Betrayed and turned away, in vein of yourself
Has it ever crossed your mind
You're pushing the wrong people away?
uttering a silent soliloquy in the shadows of doubt
Illusions of an unspoken reflection
Yet you claim, this is mere misinterperation
You don't see, my heart is going through
Unfathomable dilipidation
Why can't I break forth from these
Chains that tie me down
Why must I carry on
Ignoring the frown that plagues my face
Where, where did I go wrong
And corrupt your feelings
Or was I just doomed from the start?
You're the moon, you're the sun
You're the reasons, my life has just begun
Yet I find myself questioning
All I thought to be true
You're an enigma and I'm fearing, I'm giving up on you
Haven't you noticed, I'm weak at heart
Has it hit you, I don't know where to start
Oh but, let me assume, this is oh so cliche
It's not me, it's you
Is it a mental block, a subconcious thought
That continues to erode my soul?
Why am I, going through this?
Why can't I embrace the fact that ignorance is bliss?
I dwell on, these unnerving thoughts of mine
And I can't say I'm not happy that, I think I'm wasting my time
You cannot push and push, and expect not to break
Or, have I made a mistake?
Was this your purpose, all along
To leave me battered and broken, alone with these songs
I tried, oh how I tried
To break down the walls you put up
Yet, they had doors
I just wasn't allowed to open them.
Why?
Why can't you, share the connection
And feel what I do?
What's so wrong about, letting me be like them too?
I guess, it's everybody but me
And the horizon, is no longer darkening
I'm starting to see, my future is right in front of me
I can no longer say, without great doubt
That you're a part of it still
And oh, I can't explain how afraid I was
To show my true self
For fear of burning the bridge
It matters no more, I'm content
I'll welcome the future with open arms
And a dented heart.
My gear
Ibanez RG7321
Jackson Warrior WRXT *FS/FT*
Jasmine J35
Squier Fender P-Bass
Ibanez TBX150H
Crate 4x12
Fender Rumble 60


Part of UG's 7 STRING LEGION
#2
There are a lot of good ideas and imagery here..some interesting rhymes (misinterpretation/dilipidation).... What style of music?

My biggest constructive critique is a lot of the wording is too vague. Personally I don't like the vague, abstract style as much, but maybe it appeals to some.
#3
Eh, I'll provide backstory to clear it up some.

It's about my ex-gf, after we broke up she claimed she still loved me yet she continues to push me away, while letting others in. I fear, though we became lovers, I'll never achieve a very close bond with her, and it hurts me. I basically explained, I'm tired of trying, I'm taking my hurt sorry ass and moving on. It's a lot of mixed emotion, pardon how vague it appears.

Style, probably acoustic/soft rock, it goes nice with some simple chords and melodies.
My gear
Ibanez RG7321
Jackson Warrior WRXT *FS/FT*
Jasmine J35
Squier Fender P-Bass
Ibanez TBX150H
Crate 4x12
Fender Rumble 60


Part of UG's 7 STRING LEGION
#4
I can relate to the situation! You are a talented writer. I mean definitely you throw some phrases in that work really well and are catchy, kind of unusual. ie "this overwhelming surge of Close-minded malignance". As just a straight poem it reads well. If you get around to recording the song I'd be interested in hearing it, to get a better sense of the rhythm, chorus (if any) etc.

Cheers,
Chris