Ceresz
Wannabe
Join date: Apr 2006
238 IQ
#1
*REMEMBER TO CHECK THE LATEST POST FOR UPDATES*

So, basically I started writing these lyrics about a man who fell into a coma after a car crash and is now trapped in his owm mind for seven days. In these seven days he goes through all kinds of things like desperation, acceptense, and finally letting go since he is convinced there is a life after this one.

I have currentyl only writing the opening entitled "Overture" and it ends on 3:14 minutes so I feel I'm of to a pretty good start. The first verse of the second day "Remember" clocks in at 3:14.

I will post the lyrics once they're fleshed out and re-worked

Remember this is just a sketch, I will keep refining the music as I go on.

C4C!
Attachments:
VII DAYS.zip
Last edited by Ceresz at Feb 21, 2008,
Corpse.of.Dark
Metalist
Join date: Apr 2007
37 IQ
#2
where is the gp5,gp4 and midi?
Quote by MetalMilitia212
Right, and instead of playing Tekken, go out and join a martial arts tournament! While your at it, put down that NES controller and go jump on some real turtles, pussy..
Carl6661
UG Freak
Join date: Oct 2007
2,096 IQ
#3
i'll crit as soon as you've put the files on here the story of it sounds brutal though!
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
Corpse.of.Dark
Metalist
Join date: Apr 2007
37 IQ
#5
sounds good so far. keep up the good work.
Quote by MetalMilitia212
Right, and instead of playing Tekken, go out and join a martial arts tournament! While your at it, put down that NES controller and go jump on some real turtles, pussy..
Carl6661
UG Freak
Join date: Oct 2007
2,096 IQ
#7
sounds pretty cool so far! keep it up!

so far, 8/10
I deeply regret the 6661 in my username. Siiiigh. Damn you, 14 year old me, you edgy little bastard.
Ceresz
Wannabe
Join date: Apr 2006
238 IQ
#9
Okay, here's an update on Day II. Enjoy!

Oh, and since "Day II" is basically done, here are the lyrics:

Day II
Awaken by the sound
Of birds singing
Awaken only to find
I’m still asleep

As I walk through this maze
Through my own mind I gaze
From birth to the end of the day
Before the accident

The moon was burning
And my mind was yearning
Suddenly from the distance
Came the end of my existance

Darkness before my eyes
Several hours went by
And somewhere a child cries
Asking himself why

He leans on his mother’s shoulder
She tryies to calm him down
He ask her why the world is so cruel?
She hugs him tighter and tighter

I’m losing control of my body
Going number by every second
I feel the end isn’t far away
Atleast I have no regrets

People approach me
Looking conserned
People approach me
Asking me questions

Faces surround me
Calling for help
Faces surround me
As I drift away


EDIT:

Alright, I have fleshed out "Day III" and "Day IV" now so check the updates, C&C, and enjoy!

Oh, and here are the lyrics for both of these days Again, I will keep on changing them


Day III
Asleep forever
Trapped within my own mind
Escape I will never
A door out I won’t find

I look around
And scream for help
But there’s no one there
No one there to answer me

Help me, save me
Open the door
I don’t wanna be
Stuck here anymore



Day IV
I walk through this maze
Searching for guidance
My life on displays
Regret, and sorrow closing in

I’m tired even though I’m sleeping
I’m awake even though I’m sleeping

I pound my fist on the walls
My life is fading
These walls are invading
I’m so afraid

How long have I been here?
How long will I stay?
How will I get out?
How could this happen?

Give me an answer!
Give me some faith!
Give me the key!
Give me a sign!

I run as far as I can
I run for as long as I can
I stumble and fall
But nothing will stop me

Desperation I feel
I’m losing my mind
Desperation won’t heal
Keep losing my mind

My eyes are filled with tears
And my lugns are filled with dust
I scream but the only one answering
Is me

Desperation I feel
I’m losing my mind
Desperation won’t heal
Keep losing my mind
Attachments:
VII DAYS - UPDATE.zip
VII DAYS - UPDATE II.zip
Last edited by Ceresz at Feb 20, 2008,
Satanisk666
Pure Holocaust
Join date: Nov 2007
168 IQ
#10
The intro has a very, asian feel to it. i don't know how to describe. It's awesome. Day two is by far my favorite part.
"Glory is fleeting, obscurity is forever"
Broadsword
The Wild Rover
Join date: Mar 2006
2,548 IQ
#11
Crit:

To sum this up, I'd call this one hell of a (potential) progressive feast. The riffs flow together very nicely - with a big salute to some top-notch drumming. There were interludes aplenty, but used tastefully; there were heavy riffs, groovy riffs, soft riffs; there were good leads. The music complemented the lyrical theme, and vice versa. In short, any fan of any prog could easily dig this, as do I.

However, there really only was maybe a couple of true eye-openers. I realize that the song is only just over half completed, but when constructing an epic, there needs to be certain moments that just "take" you somewhere, grab your attention ruthlessly, and enthralls you and tell you who's big daddy. I'm not saying there isn't any great parts; it's obvious there is, and you know how to handle and execute them. But so far, it's lacking that one final epic ingredient. Like I said, there's still three more "days" left, so anything can happen.

Besides that, there's a few little things that I must point out. The use of synth + guitar, in my opinion, is somewhat overused. Don't get me wrong, it's a great effect - that is, if it's used sparingly. But you have chains of riffs that are synth-soaked. There's just some parts where I want the guitar, not synth; in most cases, the synth is all you can hear. The bass is also too quiet. I turned it up to about 14-15 and by doing so added much more to the song; once again, in my opinion.

All in all, it's excellent so far, and currently has potential to be an extraordinary epic. 8.5/10 at this point in time. I will most definitely give another crit once this is finished. Good job.

Ceresz
Wannabe
Join date: Apr 2006
238 IQ
#12
Thank you very much for your crit I will take it all into consideration when writing the rest of the piece. I'm thinking of adding some timpani and maybe a choir to make it more epic. We'll have to see about that
Last edited by Ceresz at Feb 22, 2008,