#1
a lonely question comes to mind
when truth gets lost within the lie
are you defined by accompaning minds?
'cause every path leads only to goodbye

your voice is comforting,
like a proverb for the weak
a never-ending light
attached to all related memories
now the gun you hold isn't real,
but the pain it gives, i feel
understanding's just a question
that i can't seem to conceal

it's a tough perspective,
from the cornerstone of a
fading friendship
must we be the wilted leaves
in the green grass?
and is this goodbye, at last?

a cloud is thundering,
but in the rain i tried to see
a secondary involvement
of the answer inside of me
now the body i face isn't true,
'cause i can see the purity leaking through
understanding's just consideration,
that you will not seem to approve

giving back to the non-receptive
rubble of a fading friendship,
once again
we are the rare flowers for rememberance,
goodbye, at last...
#4
Title "Bestest Friend Worstest End" was arranged in a childish way to correspond to the irony of the maturity reflected in the song
#5
yeah not bad mate 4/5
I love my keyboardist, he's hot.

Quote by phlip999
The Pit is the epitome of higher learning and full of intillectual people who help the masses solve their problems.



The Llama Forum Bagel Group
#7
I actually really like the title, like the TS said it helps reflect the sense of maturity that runs through the song.

I'd give it a 4/5, like the themes that run through it and I think it gets across the message you were trying to give out very well.

Good job mate! Crit my song, Take a Picture? it's on the page somewhere lol
#8
Men i loved this. I'm unhappy with the amount of inappropriate comments here.

But anyway this was great, you discussed powerfully about a disagreement with a friend and you're concerned about the best way to say a goodbye.

I've nothing to say here but well done, just capitalise and punctuate this and it'll be wonderful.

Can you take a look at my 'Animals' piece and just post a short comment, please?
#10
Quote by ottoavist
a lonely question comes to mind
when truth gets lost within the lie
are you defined by accompaning minds?
'cause every path leads only to goodbye
The last two lines have a different meter than the first two and the way the words are written makes it a little awkward to read.

your voice is comforting,
like a proverb for the weak
a never-ending light
attached to all related memories
now the gun you hold isn't real,
but the pain it gives, i feel
understanding's just a question
that i can't seem to conceal
I don't like the part about the gun at all, mostly because "_____ isn't real/______ that I feel" seems like it's been used a hundred billion times and it's lost its effectiveness. The first three lines are great though.

it's a tough perspective,
from the cornerstone of a
fading friendship
must we be the wilted leaves
in the green grass?
and is this goodbye, at last?
I like it.

a cloud is thundering,
but in the rain i tried to see
a secondary involvement
of the answer inside of me
now the body i face isn't true,
'cause i can see the purity leaking through
understanding's just consideration,
that you will not seem to approve
I think it'd sound better if you just had "the answer inside me" instead of "inside of me" in the third line...other than that, it's fine except the last line feels like it doesn't need "seem."

giving back to the non-receptive
rubble of a fading friendship,
once again
we are the rare flowers for rememberance,
goodbye, at last...
No problems here, pretty good overall, too, but there are a few bugs that could be worked out IMO.


Crit mine? The link is in my sig