#1
Well, I've always written poetry in free verse, so the transition to song-writing isn't easy. This is my first attempt at writing a small portion of a song, no particular genre as of yet. Just want to see if you think I have any writing ability. Please and thank you.

My insides are reminded of the jet in your chest
(This ringing in my ears isn't just the silence)
My hands are form-fitted to the curve of your bang
(This ringing in my ears isn't just the silence)

Well, I went ahead and got rid of the last line I had. I'm kind of at a stand still; I can't seem to come up with a chorus to compliment this. I'll update as soon as I can.
Last edited by Winter Sky at Feb 20, 2008,
#2
I like it all apart from the last line!

It's just a wee bit cheesey.
Derp.
#3
Well everything is always a work in progress and I can't say I'm any better. There is deffinately something there though. Continue working on it because I want to read the finished product.
I wanna rock!!!
#4
Quote by .Will.
I like it all apart from the last line!

It's just a wee bit cheesey.


Now that I reread it, I agree completely. Thank you.
#5
I don't see the cheesiness, but it's not quite enough to make any comments.
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#6
you started out well. like they said i agree the last line is a bit cheesy keep working on it. wording is everything if you've got the right words it will coem to you easy. Im a begginer poet but ive been writing books and short stories for a long time