#1
I've had it all
And seen it slip in the blink of an eye
I've been a King, I've been a pheasant
I've learned that life is one gigantic tribulation
And rarely a present

I've kissed the lips of splendor
And held the hand of deceit
All my sorrow led me here
And it's taken me from it all

Now I realize, nothing remains
Every move I've made, was in vein
I'll give it all away, to go through it again
To go through it
AGAIN!

I've swam in lakes of alcohol and lies
I've embraced every little, ****ed up surprise
Turning it away from it all
Comin' back, whenever I get your call

Now I realize, nothing remains
Every move I've made, was in vein
I'll give it all away, to go through it again
To go through it
AGAIN!

A shattered heart, don't know where to start
Picking up the pieces, I'm carrying on
I'M CARYIN' ON!

I'd give it all away...
I'd give it all away..
To go through it again.

It's about a guy who went through so much **** with a girl, from the best of times to the worse, to realize in the end when things turn sour it leaves nothing. If it was a serious relationship and it's over like nothing took place, you make drastic decisions and some go through an overwhelming change. This about every guy who had his heart broken only to realize, nothing is left, he can't cling to the past if their isn't anything there. You have to move on no matter how hard it hurts, yet you know if the opportunity arises with that special girl, you'll take it in the blink of an eye.
My gear
Ibanez RG7321
Jackson Warrior WRXT *FS/FT*
Jasmine J35
Squier Fender P-Bass
Ibanez TBX150H
Crate 4x12
Fender Rumble 60


Part of UG's 7 STRING LEGION
#2
i think chamaira wrote a song called nothing remains
Dan The Man Of the Australia FTW! Club. PM Alter-Bridge or The_Random_Hero to join. Australians Only

Gear Fund 1000/ ???

Yes his name is Dan
#3
Quote by Dan shreds
i think chamaira wrote a song called nothing remains


indeed they did.

probably not the only band to write a song called nothing remains either
#4
Ah, I'll change it sometime.

Regardless, anybody willing to offer some positive/negative criticism?
My gear
Ibanez RG7321
Jackson Warrior WRXT *FS/FT*
Jasmine J35
Squier Fender P-Bass
Ibanez TBX150H
Crate 4x12
Fender Rumble 60


Part of UG's 7 STRING LEGION
#6
was do you actually mean you've been a pheasant...as in a country wild fowl...that lives in fields...and can't fly too good.
Or did you mean a peasant, as in a rough oppsite of a king?
#7
^ Lol, I was about to ask the same thing. Them pheasants are good eating.

Anyways, it's not bad; I'm in class so I can't do a full crit right yet.

It seems a little standard; the typical desparate relationship troubles and the like. However, I don't listen to metalcore, so maybe I have no idea how this is supposed to sound?
#8
Quote by XxGibsonSGxX
I don't listen to metalcore, so maybe I have no idea how this is supposed to sound?


Hard, fast, and loud.

I like the use of metaphors in both of the stanzas. Lyrics are very powerful and well put together. Great stuff.
Signature
#10
I've had it all
And seen it slip in the blink of an eye
I've been a King, I've been a pheasant
I've learned that life is one gigantic tribulation
And rarely a present

obviously change pheasant.
I don't really care for the last line.
A suggestion for it "and rarely worth recieving".
I guess I just don't feel that "present" fits right.


I've kissed the lips of splendor
And held the hand of deceit
All my sorrow led me here
And it's taken me from it all

again, I don't really care for the last line. Didn't flow right for me.
Perhaps flipping it around would make it sound better like,
"and it has taken it all from me"


Now I realize, nothing remains
Every move I've made, was in vein
I'll give it all away, to go through it again
To go through it
AGAIN!

This gave me chills the first time. And thats a good thing.
I would toy with changing the third line to, "I'll give it all away, to go through this again" then of course the "it' in the fourth line as well to "this"
I feel like you are going for a yell/scream through/during again and since this is repeated maybe a whisper the first time followed by a scream later.
More dramatic you know?


I've swam in lakes of alcohol and lies
I've embraced every little, ****ed up surprise
Turning it away from it all
Comin' back, whenever I get your call

Didn't care for how alcohol fits in.
Last line, "comin' back, when i get your call" or "comin' back, i got your call"


Now I realize, nothing remains
Every move I've made, was in vein
I'll give it all away, to go through it again
To go through it
AGAIN!

See above

A shattered heart, don't know where to start
Picking up the pieces, I'm carrying on
I'M CARYIN' ON!

First line, "A shattered heart, no place to start".
This feels like an awsome solo is coming on after this.


I'd give it all away...
I'd give it all away..
To go through it again.

Last line, "to go through this again"

It's about a guy who went through so much **** with a girl, from the best of times to the worse, to realize in the end when things turn sour it leaves nothing. If it was a serious relationship and it's over like nothing took place, you make drastic decisions and some go through an overwhelming change. This about every guy who had his heart broken only to realize, nothing is left, he can't cling to the past if their isn't anything there. You have to move on no matter how hard it hurts, yet you know if the opportunity arises with that special girl, you'll take it in the blink of an eye.

Why the heck did you not inccorperate everything you just said there into a few more verses. After reading this everything you say here is crystal clear in the song. HOWEVER, you shouldn't need to explain that. Heck, you could copy and paste some of this stuff and make a few more stanza's. There is such background there. . .PUT IT IN.


A great piece that just needs a bit of work. Any piece that can get me to get the chills definiatly deserves a review. The emotion in the is apparent however it shouldn't need explaining. Alas it will prolly be impossible to put everything in and in no way should that be needed. just try for a bit more info included. You could even try putting some of the info in the title since it seems like you are planning to change it anyways.

Ive got a few pieces floating about. If you care to review one of mine.

Remember anything that I didn't say anything about I liked.
Good song and Good Luck

-Ryan