#1
I write, play , compose, but ain't in a band yet. I wrote this one sometime back, wanted to make a proper song out of it. Do let me know how you feel


Verse 1

You weep till tears creep back to sleep
Drowning in your troubles, they seem so deep.
Trying to find the button, the one that says “off”,
Trying to find a reason, any reason to laugh.

You pray for life, you pray for the end
You pray for the shoulder that no-one can lend
You pray for strength, strong and true
To fight all those demons, so true to you

Verse 2

You asked for the sun, but the clouds came out
No shooting stars on the dark, dark shroud
Just cold hard rain, like fuel to flame
And the stand watching this cruel game

Chorus

You need to stand up, and walk ahead
Strike with force, so your demons be dead
The sword and the shield, your mind is the two
It’s all that’s there, its all that’s true.

Bridge

That one quiet place is what you need
It’s not on the map, it’s not in a street
Look within you, an you now see?
Your own sanctuary-where you need to be

So close your eyes and dive away
Into your own sweet mind
Whenever you need it, whenever you want it,
That one quiet place you’ll find.


Structure :
V1
Ch
V2
Ch
Bridge
Ch
#2
I thought you did a really nice job conveying your message. The only thing I would suggest would be changing the last verse a bit; especially the line, "Into your own sweet mind." I don't have much time for a full crit but really nice job.