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#1
Okay, prepare for a wall of text.

So, my parents tend to be slightly over protective, and to be honest my dad is the biggest most arrogant douche I have ever had the displeasure to meet. Unfortunately I've inherited some of this trait and hate myself to death for it. He's so unable to actually see any mistake he does ever, and yet he takes the piss on everyone else constantly. If anyone else takes a shot at him back he goes crazy. He acts immaturely constantly, and that he actually works in an important position whatsoever flat out scares me. We have ended up actually physically fighting a few times, one time I almost broke one of his ribs (which stunned him and my mom, as I'm a small 65 kgs 16 year old while he weighs more then 100 kgs.) and the last time I went easy on him, and just put him on the ground holding him in my control. Letting him go (yay, trying to be slightly mature ftw.) and taking a step back. At this point he runs up and uses his weight to push me into a corner. He didn't actually harm me, and I think he knows that if he had I would've beaten him pretty bad.

Now to the point. I have always been a good kid. Never did drugs, never come home drunk. As far as they know I've never ever touched alcohol. And for the record I have never been properly drunk, breezy at most. I don't hang out with shady people or anything in such a manner. I've always been a fairly smart kid, I just don't really put that much effort into my schoolwork, but other than that I've always been a good, responsible (perhaps not with the homework and cleaning my room, but y'know what I mean ) kid.

So for some reason my parents thinks its not okay for me, I'm 16 years old, to stay alone at home for 4 days... They're going to Rome the 7th of March till the 13th or something (will be spending two days or so with an uncle in my hometown.) Now, for some reason they decided that I couldn't be at home for those 4 days (Friday till Monday for y'all who don't want to check a calender) so me and my brother (He's 11 so I can understand him being sent away) have to go to my aunts and uncles (and there's a cousin I get along with really well who'll be there, excellent guitar player) for those four days. Now I argued with them for a while but eventually gave up, as I'd be getting out of school for 2 days and spend some time at a relatives house and play guitar with my cousin, win - win.

But yesterday, I was at bluesband practice, the blues band is organized by the local blues club and they're kicking lots of money into us and another band (both formed at one of their seminar), and I was informed that they've set us up as opening acts at this concert just that Saturday. There'll be loads of people there as this gig is hosted at the hotel because there's a big ski race for women here that Saturday. And this probably be in the bar with a dance floor or something like that. And a lot of them stay at the hotel we're playing at, so the chances that we'll have at least 100 people should be pretty high... When I was told this I was devastated. I then asked my parents politely if I could take a bus back to my hometown on Saturday play the gig and then take the bus back, or sleep at home and take a bus back on Sunday. Now my dad reasonably argued: "No."

I was stunned at this and started asking him if they even had any reason for me not being allowed to be home alone for four days. He said: "Yes."

So I asked him: "Okay, what is it? Don't you trust me?"
Him: "Yes we do."
Me: "Okay, do you think I'll wind up burning the house down on accident?"
Him: "No."
Me: "Okay... Do you think I'll arrange a home alone party with lots of alcohol here?
Him: "No."
Me: "Okay... So what is the argument then?"
Him: "nnnnghfh (Weird noises) *Muttering*Small kids like you can't be home alone. *Exits the car* (He was driving me home from Basketball practice)

He still, for some immature reason, denies me to even take a buss here to be able to play this gig...

So are they in the wrong or am I?

And, this would be my first proper gig. I've only played in a small thing for some family, and family of the other band members, before (@ the seminar), and of course random stuff on acoustics with a friend, but that doesn't count.
#2
They care about you, and don't want anything to happen. If something did happen to you and they were gone, not only would they blame themselves, but they would be legally liable and probably face criminal charges of negligence.
#3
Simple solution;

Get your uncle to give you a lift there and back, if he's an excellent guitar player as you say, he will be interested in your first real gig, and won't won't you to miss it.

Problem solved.
#4
Just go, they aren't going to find out, unless you tell them, or your relatives do... I guess you should respect them, but if you are wanting to foward your music, then I say go, don't let other people get in the way of you

Edit: I know parent's arn't all the same, but I've been allowed to take a bus home at 12 midnight alone, from a place that is known to be a bit rough, into town and then back to mine. and I'm 15. Plus you seem fairly responsible, aslong as you don't drink while you are there and remain concious you'll be likely to be fine.
Quote by MetalHead73
So I, with a broomstick(Just in case) walk right where they can see me and I said:

"You kids ever taken a broom up the ass?"

The look on their face was priceless, and they ran, and I mean ran like a bat out of hell.
Last edited by Scrubs at Feb 21, 2008,
#5
Quote by denizenz
They care about you, and don't want anything to happen. If something did happen to you and they were gone, not only would they blame themselves, but they would be legally liable and probably face criminal charges of negligence.


+1
I feel sorry for you, but there's nothing you can do about it. At least you'll have something to shove down their throats in the future.
#6
I would be uneasy about my kid taking a bus home alone. Can you get transportation from an adult they trust?
Who dat?
#7
If I had a 16 year old kid I woulden't let him go alone to a gig while I'm out of the country for 4 days, only cause I remember the kinda dumb **** I pulled when I was 16
-Guitar Gear-
1995 American Fender Strat, EMG 85 pup
Randall RH200 Head
Marshall 1960a Cab
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-Bass Gear-
Spector Legend 4 bass
Washburn Bantam bass
Hartke HA2500
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Play what you love, love what you play
#8
Quit whining about it, stfu and respect your parents. It's their decision, and you're only being immature by constantly going on about it. There'll be other gigs.
there is no fear in this heart.



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#10
Quote by the_astronaut
Quit whining about it, stfu and respect your parents. It's their decision, and you're only being immature by constantly going on about it. There'll be other gigs.

+1
-Guitar Gear-
1995 American Fender Strat, EMG 85 pup
Randall RH200 Head
Marshall 1960a Cab
Woods Acoustic
-Bass Gear-
Spector Legend 4 bass
Washburn Bantam bass
Hartke HA2500
Fender Bassman 410H
Play what you love, love what you play
#11
your dad must know my dad
i would tell them to put something up somewhere exactly
throw a fit
if ur dad steps up
beat his ass red
and say i just want some respect im not 5
and leave
You get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!
#12
That sucks man, my parents can also be unreasonable from time to time. Although they probably shouldnt trust me they do it anyway.

NVM
Last edited by Gord@k at Feb 21, 2008,
#14
Quote by denizenz
They care about you, and don't want anything to happen. If something did happen to you and they were gone, not only would they blame themselves, but they would be legally liable and probably face criminal charges of negligence.


I do realize that this is very true, but not allowing me to even take the buss back here and go back again the next morning? One single night?

Quote by Aleene
Simple solution;

Get your uncle to give you a lift there and back, if he's an excellent guitar player as you say, he will be interested in your first real gig, and won't won't you to miss it.

Problem solved.


My cousin is the guitar player, but he's 26 so him driving could definitely work out. And I am definitely considering asking him to drive me, however I would feel kinda bad for making him drive for 2 hours both ways just so I could play a gig.

Quote by Scrubs
Just go, they aren't going to find out, unless you tell them, or your relatives do... I guess you should respect them, but if you are wanting to foward your music, then I say go, don't let other people get in the way of you


This is also a great point. I'm really close with my aunt and uncle/cousins in that family. I've stayed there 1 week (atleast) every summer since I was 4 years old, and they do refer to me as their fourth son at times... Just having them drop me off at the buss stop on Saturday and not telling my parents would be doable, but I suppose they would feel bad about lying to my parents... Hmm....

Quote by Anarion614
I would be uneasy about my kid taking a bus home alone. Can you get transportation from an adult they trust?



You have to remember, this is Norway not the USA or the UK or anywhere else. There is absolutely no threat in going on the buss here. The worst thing that could happen is that I missed my stop, which is basically impossible.

Quote by the_astronaut
Quit whining about it, stfu and respect your parents. It's their decision, and you're only being immature by constantly going on about it. There'll be other gigs.


I was really expecting this to come. I didn't go on about it to any degree whatsoever, I just asked for a proper mature explanation about why they wouldn't let me go, which my dad didn't want to give any reasoning for whatsoever...

I could've done lots of silly immature things to protest and act angry, but I haven't I simply asked him: "Why?" ...
Last edited by JilaX^ at Feb 21, 2008,
#15
Yes, your parents are right. Now shut up and eat your vegetables.


Honestly, I doubt a lot of parents would let a 16 year old stay alone by himself for four days. I don't think it's quite as outrageous as you're making it out to be, even if most 16 year olds would more than likely be able to handle such a situation.
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#16
I must say, unless you can convince your uncle to give you a lift your best bet is to sneak out unnoticed and face the consequences later. Try to get your uncle to talk to your dad about this, see if he can get a bit more leverage over your parents. It sucks for you that you have parents like that, my best friend has similar problems so I kinda know what it's like.

EDIT:

Quote by the_astronaut
Quit whining about it, stfu and respect your parents. It's their decision, and you're only being immature by constantly going on about it. There'll be other gigs.



Dude, he is in no way being unreasonable, I dont know how old you are but for me ( and probably TS too) a gig, especially 100+ is a big thing! Especially since the blues club people actually put money into this show, so it would be a great way f showing your interested by not showing up to the gig.
( yea yea not a good idea to pick a fight with mister green letters)
Last edited by coca_cola at Feb 21, 2008,
#17
I know how you feel, but your dad is trying to protect you. But if you talked to your uncle or your cousin, you could ask him if he could drive/accompany you on the bus to ther gig so that you could play the gig. I can't see your dad objecting to that.
#18
Quote by JilaX^
but I suppose they would feel bad about lying to my parents... Hmm....


but beating your dad up is okay?
#19
Quote by JilaX^
I do realize that this is very true, but not allowing me to even take the buss back here and go back again the next morning? One single night?

Thems the breaks. I don't recall ever staying home alone before 18. I would stay at a friends place or something but never alone.

I'm afraid to use public transportation and I'm 26...seriously man get your uncle to drive you or just catch the next one.
#20
Stab your dad in the temple with a kitchen knife, frame your little brother, andgo play the gig


duh
#21
they sound like control freaks of some degree, because they cant be there for you basically by the sounds of things. but your dad doesnt seem like the type that would give reasons on an emotional level, no offence
#22
You wanna know why your parents are overprotective? Look at all the weird people in the world today. They just care about you, and don't want anything to happen to you. While they might seem to be acting like idiots, they just don't want anything to happen to you.
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


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#23
If you say your relatives are also interested in music as they are, then they'll also understand about playing in a real proper gig, hell they might even take you and stay to watch
Quote by MetalHead73
So I, with a broomstick(Just in case) walk right where they can see me and I said:

"You kids ever taken a broom up the ass?"

The look on their face was priceless, and they ran, and I mean ran like a bat out of hell.
#24
Quote by Gunpowder
Yes, your parents are right. Now shut up and eat your vegetables.


Honestly, I doubt a lot of parents would let a 16 year old stay alone by himself for four days. I don't think it's quite as outrageous as you're making it out to be, even if most 16 year olds would more than likely be able to handle such a situation.

my friends 15 and a few times his parents have let him stay home alone for a week... but i think his parents are totally opposite to ts's and my parents.. there very liberal
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just a few of my fans..



#25
Quote by JilaX^
My cousin is the guitar player, but he's 26 so him driving could definitely work out. And I am definitely considering asking him to drive me, however I would feel kinda bad for making him drive for 2 hours both ways just so I could play a gig.

I misread that part, but still, if you really want to play the gig, this would be the best option.

I wouldn't let my son just go to a gig that's 2 hours away from where he's staying without knowing that he had a definite lift there and back, and that he would be safe whilst doing it.

Talk to your dad about getting cousin/uncle etc to do it.
#26
Quote by denizenz
Thems the breaks. I don't recall ever staying home alone before 18. I would stay at a friends place or something but never alone.

I'm afraid to use public transportation and I'm 26...seriously man get your uncle to drive you or just catch the next one.


Hmmm, well... Never before 18 really? I mean one of my friends stayed home alone for a week while his mother was in Thailand... And about the public transportaition, not my location. I know a LOT of crazy **** happens over there in the US and in the UK. However, over here public transportation is really safe. The only place that can be dangerous in my town is in the centrum where all the drunk people hang out, and even there if you look out and have a few friends with you you're fairly safe. Just don't start a fight

Quote by doomed1
Stab your dad in the temple with a kitchen knife, frame your little brother, andgo play the gig


duh


Oooh, why didn't I think of that before? *Slaps forehead*


Quote by Mesa_Rory
they sound like control freaks of some degree, because they cant be there for you basically by the sounds of things. but your dad doesnt seem like the type that would give reasons on an emotional level, no offence



I have to agree with you on the response thing, he really isn't the type to give an answer like that.
#27
Hey Jila, This is kinda off topic but:

I also live in Norway ( Stavanger) and I'm interested in things like the clubs your talking about, problem is I talk like 10 words Norweigan and no practically no one out side of my school, so would you know about any clubs like that in Stavanger.
thanks
#28
Quote by coca_cola
Hey Jila, This is kinda off topic but:

I also live in Norway ( Stavanger) and I'm interested in things like the clubs your talking about, problem is I talk like 10 words Norweigan and no practically no one out side of my school, so would you know about any clubs like that in Stavanger.
thanks


Hmm, I'm sure there is, but I don't know any details... I guess I could google around or ask around or something if you want to?

Quote by Aleene
I misread that part, but still, if you really want to play the gig, this would be the best option.

I wouldn't let my son just go to a gig that's 2 hours away from where he's staying without knowing that he had a definite lift there and back, and that he would be safe whilst doing it.

Talk to your dad about getting cousin/uncle etc to do it.


Yeah, np. Yeah I'm starting to think that that's the only way to go as well. But I do have a place to stay for the night... Our house I live in a pretty small town so walking home after the gig if I can't catch the buss is no problem.
#29
They don't do it to piss you off. But they're still being douches and you show 'em somehow that you can take care of yourself. Otherwise you're stuck.
#30
Quote by JilaX^
Hmm, I'm sure there is, but I don't know any details... I guess I could google around or ask around or something if you want to?


Yeah, np. Yeah I'm starting to think that that's the only way to go as well. But I do have a place to stay for the night... Our house I live in a pretty small town so walking home after the gig if I can't catch the buss is no problem.



If you're bothered then thanks, just pm me later then.
#31
My parents wont let me stay home alone for a weekend, and I'm almost 19
#32
Are you kidding me? This is nothing.
I'm 14 years old and i'm not allowed going to a sleepover.
#33
Quote by denizenz
They care about you, and don't want anything to happen. If something did happen to you and they were gone, not only would they blame themselves, but they would be legally liable and probably face criminal charges of negligence.


Ah that's good parenting.

"Sorry son we can't leave you home alone. You might die in a fire and we have to pay a fine or something."
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#34
kids as a whole this generation seem to be getting more and more restricted. today, a person isn't really considered an adult till they're about 21. 50 years ago, it was around 16...

just don't be the same stuck up asshole to your kids.


My mind is going. I can feel it.
#35
While you are living under you parents' roof and they pay your way, in the end it is their call.

If parental smothering is really bothering you, I'd use this as an motivation to start planning on moving out. Save some cash over the next year or so, and you'll be ready to leave the nest before you know it. If you plan it properly, you'll be able to move out and support yourself without having to move back home in two months because you screwed up financially.

Once you leave the nest, then it isn't their decision any more! And your Dad will respect you for moving on.

For what it is worth, I moved out at 17. With hindsight, this was a little young, but it did make me grow up in a hurry. My relationship with my family improved dramatically when I started paying my own way and stopped blaming them for my unhappiness!
#36
For about the last year, ever since my parents started to crack down on me ((I'm like you, I don't do anything terrible)) I just don't obey the rules they set without reason. I would go play the gig no matter how many times they said no if they didn't give me one good reason why I can't do it.
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#37
You always have the option of just doing it anyway.

That was one of my favorite strategies as a young lad:

"Okay!"...head straight out to do whatever it was.
"Virtually no one who is taught Relativity continues to read the Bible."

#38
it definitely sucks, but it's one of those things where if you just go along with them it'll help your chances later on
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#39
i wouldn't recommend "running away" to do the gig. talking the people you're staying with into letting you go is ok, but don't just take off. your parents will be called, they'll most likely hurry home, and if you interrupt their trip, you're dead.


My mind is going. I can feel it.
#40
So for some reason my parents thinks its not okay for me, I'm 16 years old, to stay alone at home for 4 days


That's completely reasonable. You're still a kid.
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