#1
Hello, this is a song that I wrote, based on the planet and global warming. Please give me advice on how to improve. It is my FIRST song, so if it is hopelessly &%$*, please tell me how to improve. Thank you:

Storm Coming

The sun climbs above the trees,
And the birds begin to sing to their song,
The stars fade into the blue,
And the plants start to flower and bloom.
The water trickles down the creek,
And the ocean sweeps up and down the beach.
But nothing lasts forever,
And soon all this will be gone.

There’s a storm on its way,
It will block us from the sun,
We need to fight it today,
There’s no means for us to run.
X2

It’s raining in the summer,
And there are heat waves in the winter,
Rainforests are being hacked down,
And are replaced by brand new cities,
The lives of the woodland creatures,
Are being claimed by diggers and cranes,
What are we doing to this planet,
After all it has done for us.

There’s a storm on its way,
It will block us from the sun,
We need to fight it today,
There’s no means for us to run.
X4
#2
hippie...
Gear:

Gibson Les Paul Standard Goldtop 50's Neck
Epiphone Les Paul Standard Cherry Sunburst
Line 6 Spider 3 150
Line 6 Pocket POD

Member #23 of the Les Paul owners club, pm Waterboy799 to join
#3
Quote by terahertz
Rainforests are being hacked down,
And are replaced by brand new cities,


Up to and from that point it sounds like it'll be good...but that line to me just doesn't flow...if I heard the vocals for it then maybe I'd be able to hear it properly and it might sound much better then.
#4
you should be more like Ted Nugent...lets kill it!
Gear:

Gibson Les Paul Standard Goldtop 50's Neck
Epiphone Les Paul Standard Cherry Sunburst
Line 6 Spider 3 150
Line 6 Pocket POD

Member #23 of the Les Paul owners club, pm Waterboy799 to join
#5
Ignore my first post a second, what style of song is this? acoustic, metal, etc...
#6
Quote by BASEnutter
Ignore my first post a second, what style of song is this? acoustic, metal, etc...


I am not too sure, i kind of just wrote it. Sorry for being annoying.
Kind of similar to Linkin Park, without the rap. Distorted guitars etc. I think that becomes rock. sorry.
#7
Quote by terahertz
I am not too sure, i kind of just wrote it. Sorry for being annoying.
Kind of similar to Linkin Park, without the rap. Distorted guitars etc. I think that becomes rock. sorry.


Ok then yeah, take note of my first post aswell.
#8
Quote by terahertz


There’s a storm on its way,
It will block us from the sun,
We need to fight it today,
There’s no means for us to run.



That's a killer chorus, really powerful stuff, well done. I can't neccesarily say I thought the whole thing was spot on because as the above said, you need to tweak the flow a tad. That's not to say it's not a good piece, I think it has a lot of potential and will flow well depending of course on what music you plan to put to it, which if you are saying Linkin Park, should be ok. Personally I imagined it being a metal song but I think that's probably just because one or two of the lines seemed familiar.

Nevertheless a great job and overall- just keep writing dude!

Please take a look at my latest 'Two To Tango' in my sig,

Cheers,

Dan
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#9
Quote by Anfieldsam
hippie...


What? You don't care about the planet you live on? You might find you integrate perfectly into my new poem.

As for this, it's really good. I would change up the "rainforests being hacked down" bit, 'cause up until there it flowed really well.

I don't have time for a big crit, but I should come be able to come back and finish one. If I forget, just PM me and I'll get right on it

Mark