#1
Just something I whipped up fairly quickly. The chorus bit is old, something I thought up while riding in the car a long time ago. The other bits I just made up. It's not much, but I wanted to put it up to critique.


Can you imagine the light
When it’s gone
Away from you
And all that’s left is night?

Can you imagine the hope
That someone has
Before the end?
If only they could know.


Take me home
To my palace made of stone
I want to be alone.

Never more to roam,
Seal me inside my tomb
And sing the everlasting song.


The sands are draining through the glass.
How much time
Do you have left
Before you breathe your very last?


Take me home
To my palace made of stone
I want to be alone.

Never more to roam,
Seal me inside my tomb
And sing the everlasting song.


It's a very slow song. I have the tune in my head, but am having trouble transfering thought to paper... er, text. Maybe soon I can make it into bass tabs so some of you can get an idea of how it goes
Last edited by Tone Deaf at Feb 21, 2008,
#3
I hear it as an acoustic song, something you'd play around a campfire or something. I like it. Nicely written, rhyming doesn't seem forced. Overall great song.
#4
I love metal, and it would be awesome to be able to hear it that way, haha. Thanks.

Accoustic is good too :3 that's probably more of the way I originally imagined it. The type of music is similar to The Reason by Hoobastank. The tune's different, but it's the same type of music. Slow, drawn lyrics, really thoughtful sounding.
Last edited by Tone Deaf at Feb 21, 2008,
#5
Quote by Tone Deaf

The sands are draining through the glass.
How much time
Do you have left
Before you breath your very last?


Breathe.

I like the song's melancholy tone. The dark and gloomy images it brings up are very thought provoking.

EDIT: The lyrics could be good in a metal song, but I imagine more of a slow-paced electro ballad kinda sound.
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#6
Very nice catch. Thanks for the critique. I am considering the metal more and more, but I think I still agree. Slow song. Out of curiosity, where's a program up for download so I could make tabs?