#1
this is about getting into the wrong stuff and not being able to get out. tell me what you think. crit for crit.


Trapped in paradise
what’s so bad about it?
Standing here finding
there’s no way out

living today as if
there’s gonna be tomorrow
taking for granted
the things I used to sorrow

trapped in paradise
it’s a dream come true
a dream I understood
a dream I thought I knew

but really deception
lurked in the back of my mind
stuck in shadows
but now in the light

I am trapped in paradise
and I want to get out
for its no longer a dream
but a nightmare, no doubt

finding myself on the
streets with no home
my paradise lost
and I am all alone

for a dream I once knew
took me by surprise
innocent mind
guilty life

trapped in paradise
what’s so bad about it?
Trapped in paradise
what’s so bad about it?
#2
Quote by jesse thompson
this is about getting into the wrong stuff and not being able to get out. tell me what you think. crit for crit.


Trapped in paradise
what’s so bad about it?
Standing here finding
there’s no way out

I loved the first line, it has a nice idea behind it. This stanza flows pretty well and seems like a solid enough intro.

living today as if
there’s gonna be tomorrow
taking for granted
the things I used to sorrow

The first two lines appealed to me. I'm not sure about the last line of this stanza, it doesn't seem to make any sense... I also didn't like the rhyming of "tomorrow" and "sorrow", it seems a little forced. A solid enough stanza if you sort out the minor problems though. Looking good so far.

trapped in paradise
it’s a dream come true
a dream I understood
a dream I thought I knew

I loved this stanza. The repetition of "trapped in paradise" works well to emphasise what you're trying to convey. The repetition of "dream" also adds something. The flow works here too.

but really deception
lurked in the back of my mind
stuck in shadows
but now in the light

Another solid stanza. The second line might reduce the flow a little, but that depends on the way it's sung I suppose.

I am trapped in paradise
and I want to get out
for its no longer a dream
but a nightmare, no doubt

Liked this one too, can't really think of any faults...the rhyme scheme is a little basic so far, but I think you can get away with that.

finding myself on the
streets with no home
my paradise lost
and I am all alone

This stanza stood out to me. It's catchy, memorable and flows incredibly well. The rhyming doesn't seem too forced and once again the word "paradise" is repeated.

for a dream I once knew
took me by surprise
innocent mind
guilty life

I didn't like this one however... not sure why, it could be the lack of any real message in the stanza. It still works with the song as a whole though, so it shouldn't be a problem. It's just a little weak compared to your others.

trapped in paradise
what’s so bad about it?
Trapped in paradise
what’s so bad about it?

A clever end to a good set of lyrics. Repetition works here, as with the other points, makes a good ending.


Overall I enjoyed reading this set of lyrics, it's an interesting theme portrayed in an imaginative way. The only issues were a couple of flow problems and one line that didn't seem to make sense. 8/10
If you could crit 'A farcical blind shot laced full of temptation' in my sig I would be grateful.
Gord