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#1
I was bored and came up with some ultra-lame metal jokes just now. And as I wondered where to tell them, this is the first place I thought of that would work!

Did you hear that Testament deleted their Facebook page?
Yeah, they were so over the Wall!

Why couldn't Euronymous play with Mayhem after Varg stabbed him?
He was too holey!

OK and as a sidenote, these jokes ARE allowed to fail. So don't make fun of me!
Alrighty you get the idea, post some lame jokes (no copy-pasting real ones, I want to hear your own lame ones!)
I've had Alzheimer's Disease for as long as I can remember.

Quote by damian_91
Pleasure2kill, you are a genius!
#3
St. Anger
I’m not the man I used to be, I... I can’t go back to Arkham.

I... I should return to Arkham.


Among the churchyard’s mouldering stones I recognise a name – my own.
I have come home to Arkham.

#6
Quote by webbtje
This will fail.

Actually, this already has failed.

It's allowed to fail, the rules say so!
I've had Alzheimer's Disease for as long as I can remember.

Quote by damian_91
Pleasure2kill, you are a genius!
#7
Quote by Pleasure2kill
It's allowed to fail, the rules say so!


OK then.

Fred Durst, Johnathan Davis, and Lars Ulrich walk into a blender and die a slow, horrific death.

If that image doesn't make you happy indide, I don't know what will.
#8
Quote by webbtje
OK then.

Fred Durst, Johnathan Davis, and Lars Ulrich walk into a blender and die a slow, horrific death.

If that image doesn't make you happy indide, I don't know what will.

Pffft I said METAL jokes!
I've had Alzheimer's Disease for as long as I can remember.

Quote by damian_91
Pleasure2kill, you are a genius!
#10
Quote by destroy_techno
well it's a joke that someone considers their bands to be metal



*e-high fives*
#11
hey, one time, Iron Maiden got real scared and ran for the hills!
Up the Punx!
#12
One time, Karl Sanders gained loads and loads and loads of weight, and started to look a bit like a redneck!

(Forgive me, God)
#13
Knock knock.
Dyer's Eve is awesome, and has an abnormally large penis, which doesn't act as any hinderance to his everyday life despite its freakishly large size.
For unrivaled obedience, user King_ofKumbucha is awarded this spot of honor.
#15
Quote by dead-fish
Knock knock.


who the hell's there?
I’m not the man I used to be, I... I can’t go back to Arkham.

I... I should return to Arkham.


Among the churchyard’s mouldering stones I recognise a name – my own.
I have come home to Arkham.

#16
Quote by destroy_techno
... and then he did a 'betcha can't play this' video while stoned



He was hilariously sloppy

Quote by dead-fish
Knock knock.


Who's there?
#17
Gestapo.
Dyer's Eve is awesome, and has an abnormally large penis, which doesn't act as any hinderance to his everyday life despite its freakishly large size.
For unrivaled obedience, user King_ofKumbucha is awarded this spot of honor.
#19
In your case, wouldn't it be *surrenders*?

Oh snap!
Dyer's Eve is awesome, and has an abnormally large penis, which doesn't act as any hinderance to his everyday life despite its freakishly large size.
For unrivaled obedience, user King_ofKumbucha is awarded this spot of honor.
#21
*interviewing Fintroll
-Do you consider yourselves as good musicians?
-Yeah \m/
-*Starts laughing*
-...
-*Laughing...*
-...!
-Ok. What genre do you consider yourselves to play?
- WE PLAY HUMPA
Best band of all time: OPETH.
I love angela Gossow. do you?
Quote by Garret.
My friend found nudity on youtube the other day

that was definitely a highlight of my life
#23
Quote by webbtje
*wants to retaliate by being anti-semitic, but pussies out*

Dammit!


This guy is the reason you don't wanna get anti-semitic, bruva.


Ari Gold for the schnitzel-loving, motherfucking, ball busting, schlong chopping win, baby! Boom!
Dyer's Eve is awesome, and has an abnormally large penis, which doesn't act as any hinderance to his everyday life despite its freakishly large size.
For unrivaled obedience, user King_ofKumbucha is awarded this spot of honor.
Last edited by dead-fish at Feb 22, 2008,
#24
What material does Gaahl like to wear above all others?

*sips wine*

....SATIN

Yeah, that one fails hard...but at least I tried
#25
Pleasure2kill
Dean Z-X Fund: $50 out of $200 (25%)

My Gear:
Guitar: Schecter C-1 Elite
Amp: B-52 ST-6012
Pedals/Other: BOSS Dynamic Wah, BOSS Metal Zone MT-2

Massive Failure
#27
Did you hear about the heavy metal guitarist who locked his keys in the car? He had to break the window to let his drummer out. What does a metalhead use for birth control? His personality. How do you get a metal player to stop playing the guitar? Put sheet music in front of him. I just hurt my own feelings.

And yeah for fails!
Gear:
Inflatable Guitar
Digitech GSP 2101/Mosvalve 962/Yamaha S412V
My Imagination
#28
Quote by KryptNet
Did you hear about the heavy metal guitarist who locked his keys in the car? He had to break the window to let his drummer out. What does a metalhead use for birth control? His personality. How do you get a metal player to stop playing the guitar? Put sheet music in front of him. I just hurt my own feelings.

And yeah for fails!

mega fail
Proud member of the UG Hate Crew

Laguna Loire of the Final Fantasy Elites - PM metacarpi, Ichikurosaki, Gallagher2006, or Deliriumbassist to join!
#29
Quote by KryptNet
Did you hear about the heavy metal guitarist who locked his keys in the car? He had to break the window to let his drummer out. What does a metalhead use for birth control? His personality. How do you get a metal player to stop playing the guitar? Put sheet music in front of him. I just hurt my own feelings.

And yeah for fails!

I dont get the first one...i agree with the second one (not personally but overall) and i can read sheet music. Yeah...huge fail

#30
Quote by Anooplol
I dont get the first one...i agree with the second one (not personally but overall) and i can read sheet music. Yeah...huge fail

The first one is saying he locked his drummer in the car.

And I thought they were funny.


P.S. Here comes a bad one!

Q. Why do Slayer always carry around umbrellas?
A. Because it's Raining Blood!
#34
Quote by Scourge441
Q: How many metalheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. Darkness is metal.



haha that one was great.
Originally posted by J_Dizzle
THAAAANK YOU GoodCharloteSux is god
#35
Why do Metal Heads Head Bang????

Because their other Head is not banging anything else....

Fail lol
XBL GT: WILDWAYNE001
add me if you wish...
#36
Quote by WILDWAYNE001
Why do Metal Heads Head Bang????

Because their other Head is not banging anything else....

Fail lol


Lol. I actually laughed for like 15 seconds straight
#38
Quote by Anooplol
I dont get the first one...i agree with the second one (not personally but overall) and i can read sheet music. Yeah...huge fail


As in someone that is inside a car can open the car. It's kinda a more a drummer joke. I cansight read piano and classical guitar. But don't ask me to sight read heavy metal. I'll have epileptic shock. I personally like my metalhead stupidity.
Gear:
Inflatable Guitar
Digitech GSP 2101/Mosvalve 962/Yamaha S412V
My Imagination
#39
How does James Hetfield like his sausages?


Blackened.

I actually made that up ages ago, my friends thought it was highly lulzy.
#40
Quote by KryptNet
As in someone that is inside a car can open the car. It's kinda a more a drummer joke. I cansight read piano and classical guitar. But don't ask me to sight read heavy metal. I'll have epileptic shock. I personally like my metalhead stupidity.

I do get the first joke, its just not funny. and i cant read stuff like necrophagist. yay for metalhead stupiity