#1
The Unresetable Game

All these things are in my head
and I keep trying to put them straight
but every second something new hoes in there
and it's just so hard to concentrate
on things that really matter
the things I really love
I just need time away
but finding that time is really tough

My life is going forward, forward a bit to fast
I need it to slow down a bit or I'll just end up on my ass
I'll be lost in this world with noone else to blame
because life is just complicated and an unresetable game

I'm starting to get behind
in what really matters to me
forgetting about friends and family
who always want to see me happy
starting to do
harmful things that hurt me inside
hurting the ones who love me
by just putting them on the side

My life is going forward, forward a bit to fast
I need it to slow down a bit or I'll just end up on my ass
I'll be lost in this world with noone else to blame
because life is just complicated and an unresetable game

I wish I could have seen
this coming in the past
I relized I screwed up
and trying to fix things at last

My life is going forward, forward a bit to fast
I need it to slow down a bit or I'll just end up on my ass
I'll be lost in this world with noone else to blame
because life is just complicated and an unresetable game

C4C thanks (specify if you want me to)
Last edited by eltyr18 at Feb 22, 2008,
#2
Most of the writing is nice enough,
but it's an introspective.
You've limited it to an analysis of yourself
and your past actions
so there was little to keep my interest.

unresetable should probably have 2 "t"s
noone should probably be 2 words.
relized is definitely spelled realized (or realise if you're in the UK)


No matter how I try
to insert the punctuation
that's missing from the entire piece.
I can't figure out how
to make the grammar work
in this section:

I wish I could have seen
this coming in the past
I relized I screwed up
and trying to fix things at last


Quote by eltyr18
C4C thanks (specify if you want me to)

No thanks, I don't have anything current right now.
Just crit or comment on someone else's work.
... and you might generate some interest in them looking at yours.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#3
Quote by eltyr18
I wish I could have seen
this coming in the past
I relized I screwed up
and trying to fix things at last

with this line you could add punctuation plus a word to make it a little more dramatic:

I wish I could have seen
this coming in the past.
I realized I screwed up
and I'm trying, to fix things at last

again just my opinion
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

C4C thanks (specify if you want me to)


if you could crit mine ide appreciate it
#4
okay... I didn't like it.
it kinda bored me with it's predictability.