#1
So this is my first attempt at songwriting, so its going to be simple and possibly bland. But I'm going to try to be a regular member on this site from now on, so critique for critique maybe? I think it has an early connor oberst feel, back in the commander venus days.


Long ago
back when I thought
that everything was right.

In this world
that I am
slowly starting to despise.

I believed
that love was real
and someday i would find

Someone who
would care for me
and always treat me right

But nowadays
my faith is lost
my hope is gone

And all thats left
is my meaningless attempt at moving on

Forgetting you
and everything that i went through

Just to keep
myself from giving up

But now it seems

that all I

could ever need

is another sip

from this drink

that calms my nerves

and puts me right to sleep
#3
First, you should really reconsider the structure of this piece. The lines break far too often I think, and the end is really dragged out because there are so many short lines. The style of writing seems to lend itself to more orderly stanzas.

Content wise, it's a pretty run of the mill topic. As always with this kind of topic, I try to encourage others to try and approach it with a fresh view, instead of falling into the trap of simply repeating the past stereotypes. You've done a bit of this, as the first section seems very familiar, like I've heard it many times before. The last part however, starting at "But" I do like, and it would flow very nicely if re-formatted.

It's a good start, and I hope you can stick around and contribute to the forum.

PS: Bright Eyes rules.