#1
Suicide bombers probably have terrible life insurance plans.
***

The thought of this intrigued me so I decided to do some research. First I tried to get a suicide bomber's insurance rate online. It didn't go so well because the only locations that I could choose from were America and Canada and the closest thing to suicide bomber was “citizen soldier.” I then decided to call an insurance agency for a more accurate assessment. The following is the conversation to the best of my recollection.

***
INSURANCE AGENT: Good morning, ----- ---- Insurance. My name is ------, how may I help you?

Me: Hi, I have a few questions about life insurance rates by profession.

IA: Sure.

Me: Is it correct to assume that jobs labeled as dangerous are more expensive to cover?

IA: Well, here at ----- ----, we try to give reasonable coverage despite your profession, but yes, that is generally the case.

Me: And to classify a job as dangerous, does that mean that it’s harmful to the employee only or does that include others as well?

IA: I don’t believe that we calculate the risk to others in personal plans, no.

Me: All right, so let’s say that I’m about 26, no history of smoking, no medical problems, pretty much in the prime of life. How’s it looking?

IA: Male or female?

Me: I think I’m gonna go with male for today.

IA: (laughs) How much do you want to allocate for mortgage or rent?

Me: Well, it’s pretty tough to get a place with all four walls intact where I am, so I live with my parents.

IA: (lengthy pause) All…right. How much for loans, including personal, student, car, and other?

Me: Well, I didn’t go to school and I lent my car to my church, but they destroyed it. Something about the will of God or whatever. So nothing.

IA: (longer pause) Uh huh. Right. How much will your family need each year after your death?

Me: As much as they can get. Times are hard.

IA: And how much do you want to use on funeral costs?

Me: If I die on the job, there won’t be much left to bury. I think a funeral would be a little silly.

IA: (audibly confused) Oh…ok. Any donations to charity?

Me: Maybe $1000 to a fund for expelling invaders.

IA: (bewildered) Um, how much would you like your children to have for education costs?

Me: I have one daughter, but I don’t want her to go to school. She’s better off preparing for marriage and full devotion to the home.

IA: O…K. And finally, the profession?

Me: Sacrificial assailant.

IA: I’m sorry, was that secretarial assistant?

Me: Nope, that was sacrificial assailant.

IA: I don’t think that I understand.

Me: Well, it’s colloquially known as suicide bomber, but I think that’s a little harsh on the ears.

IA: Is this some kind of joke?

Me: No ma’am. I am quite serious and in a bit of a rush.

IA: And you’re also a wise ass. Try another agency. Goodbye.

***
She hung up after that. I suppose the Western world may never know.


Results: INCONCLUSIVE

Your thoughts?
#3
Oh mt God that ****in hilarious....


hahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha.....
Quote by ironman1478
im romanian and am offended. most of the people in romania make americans look like autistic kids on ritalin
Quote by ProfessorJim
I'm autistic and on ritalin and am offended. Most autistic kids on ritalin make americans look like romanians.
#4
I would try Allstate....


somthing about hands.
Quote by ironman1478
im romanian and am offended. most of the people in romania make americans look like autistic kids on ritalin
Quote by ProfessorJim
I'm autistic and on ritalin and am offended. Most autistic kids on ritalin make americans look like romanians.
#6
Not bad at all TS
Quote by Kensai
Forget about her, she seems complicated. Who wants a girl who answers in riddles? I'm not the fucking sfinx.

Quote by Rambo-Conny
Woah, woah. Back the hell up.

Polo shirt?

Sunglasses?

Of course he got all the girls, he's Rick Astley.
#7
Good work.....and you better hope the patriot act isn't as effective as they say it is....many lolz though
#11
dude yesss do another one and record it and put it on the Tubeeeee
amazing idea man... til the CIA comes to ur door
Quote by britneyspears69
I got my first guitar recently and people are telling me to get pickups. I don't get it. What do they do? Do they help you when you drop your pick?
#14
Haha that was great, do it again but record it
Quote by 20cdndollars
You are god, floppypick



Floppydick


If that's how you read my name, leave a message saying so on my profile
#15
Quote by Bourbonstreet
Good work.....and you better hope the patriot act isn't as effective as they say it is....many lolz though

patriot act expired Jan 31st, 2008
#17
Quote by SchecterAbuser7
I would but I have no way of recording it, sorry guys.

got a cell phone?
#18
This thread is filled with so much awesome that...I can't even begin to describe it.
Gunpowder: FUCKING ROCKS!!!
Quote by The Madcap
[witty set-up]
Gunpowder FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!

Quote by Kensai

Gunpowder you fucking rock!!

Quote by Dirge Humani
Now I can say, with sufficient certainly, that you, Gunpowder...

FUCK ROCKS!
#23
Posting in epic thread.
That made me lol so much.
Yes I am from Hawaii.


It's not really a great place to live..
..but fun if you're a tourist!
FoTB Duration: June 12, 2008 - July 12, 2008
It's good to be back guys.
#24
Quote by The Spoon


Try State Farm...

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there



If he really is a suicide bomber, then they wont be there for long

get it? Get it? High five .....

/lame.
Last edited by 20cdndollars at Feb 22, 2008,