#2
I don't want to sound like a jerk but the intro sounds terrible, and then you just jump into the song out of nowhere. Its got some decent parts but i don't think thats a version of it you should have posted.
#3
Quote by blackmajik2021
I don't want to sound like a jerk but the intro sounds terrible, and then you just jump into the song out of nowhere. Its got some decent parts but i don't think thats a version of it you should have posted.


Actually your being kind and gentle...probably to much so.

OK dude. The intro is super generic, the slow down is a good twist but If I wasnt critiqueing I would have already hit the stop button. There isnt any melody to the song and the vocs are.........................not good.

Just because you have chords strung together and words on paper doesnt mean its a song. I feel like Im pretty opened minded musically but I dont think theres a genre for this music and no you havent discovered a new one.

I trully dont mean to be a jerk Im just letting you know thats its time to pick up your game...really give it your best shot. YOU have something that most song writers struggle with and that is you ahve something to say, now the hard part is how to say it.

Making a song can sometimes be a struggle and other times you cant write it fast enough. But just really listen to this song it needs a lot of work.

Please understand that Ive taken quite a few listens to the song and spent several minutes trying to find the right words to put here so I wont offend you. Keep writing, stay with it. You will get better and better and better. And work on those vocals dude. Check out the singers forum here on UG.
If you check my profile song please leave a comment on any part.....THANKS!!!
#4
reading the previous comments i was expecting something especially terrible but i dont think it was so i will just add some pointers on how to improve, the intro for a kickoff, yes its a little bland but its good enough for a base to layer other guitars on top, also practice with a metronome because it goes out of time, at the end of the intro let the note ring, that silence before the verse kicks in isnt good. verse now, the singing isnt that bad at least you hit the notes, maybe a bit nasal, the main problem with it though is that is keeps following the same pattern, try and expand on that a bit and make it more interesting. your guitar strumming is a bit sloppy the timing of your strums keeps going all over, sometimes too fast sometimes too slow. work on the outro, the vocal shouldnt end on that note, it hangs too much, doesnt give that feeling of a finish, also again the guitar cuts off too short, lengthen the note. hope this helps to improve
Guitars-
krozka-sharpe raider session 'revo'
ibanez s520ex with SD TB-10 full shred bridge
ibanez sz520qm
epiphone les paul custom
epiphone EJ200

Amp-
Orange tiny terror with PPC112 cab
#5
I thought the song was ok until the middle where I thought the vocals fell apart. The same 'melody' looped over and over and the vocals had no depth to them. I lost interest at that point and had to turn it off.

Needs more work. Make it go somewhere... possibly think about how to start into a verse a little weaker and work into a stronger sound in the middle, by adding more or taking something away for the first part. It stops sounding like the same thing over and over if you can do this properly.

Check mine out? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=792782
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My Music
#6
You have production issues. I may just be getting particular, but production is important to me. Vocals = not loud enough, the guitar is too unprofessional. It needs cleaning up. Did you do two seperate takes for vocals and guitar? You should have.

It has some potential though.
#7
Quote by notonlybutalso
reading the previous comments i was expecting something especially terrible but i dont think it was so i will just add some pointers on how to improve, the intro for a kickoff, yes its a little bland but its good enough for a base to layer other guitars on top, also practice with a metronome because it goes out of time, at the end of the intro let the note ring, that silence before the verse kicks in isnt good. verse now, the singing isnt that bad at least you hit the notes, maybe a bit nasal, the main problem with it though is that is keeps following the same pattern, try and expand on that a bit and make it more interesting. your guitar strumming is a bit sloppy the timing of your strums keeps going all over, sometimes too fast sometimes too slow. work on the outro, the vocal shouldnt end on that note, it hangs too much, doesnt give that feeling of a finish, also again the guitar cuts off too short, lengthen the note. hope this helps to improve


THese are also some good pointers but in reality your saying change the entire song.
If you check my profile song please leave a comment on any part.....THANKS!!!