Is there any way to take the subtitles off of a video? Its just the .avi file and nothing else.
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If I get a boner I generally pass out due to the massive amount of blood having to be redirected from my brain

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I like to video record myself when I'm drunk. It's like a mini-movie. I love fapping to the sex scene.
Tipp-Ex them out.
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Pooping is well good though, to be fair.

I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
Depends. I know some videos come with the subtitles on a different track. Open it in VLC, then go to Video > Subtitles > (if anything is in here, click it on/off). If nothing is in there, they are in the video.
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If I wanted to read excessive ammounts of text I'd have read erotic literature, not wikipedia.