#1
Just a short poem.


The wind howls so loud these days,
it dries every whispered word.

The trees sway drunkenly,
with no rain to chase the wind.

The Land is tired.
No coyotes howl.
No birds sing.

The Ground,
hungover from millions of years,
Needs rain to chase the wind.
#2
This didn't really hit me. This was done quite vaguely. I think you mean "Hungover for millions of years"?

It didn't flow either; and some of the wordings were a bit cliche.

Sorry if i sounded harsh.



Can you have a look at my 'Alex' please. It's on the first page soyouknow!
Last edited by Bleed Away at Feb 23, 2008,
#4


The wind howls so loud these days,
it dries every whispered word.

The trees sway drunkenly,
with no rain to chase the wind.

The Land is tired.
No coyotes howl.
No birds sing.

The Ground,
hungover from millions of years,
Needs rain to chase the wind.


It's a solid poem. Perhaps you should evolve it and make it a bit longer? I disagree about the last stanza, I liked how you tied "drunkenly" to "hungover".

But perhaps change "The ground hungover from millions of years" to "The ground hungover from a million years", since it seems to flow better in my opinion.
Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
#5
^ thanks man. I think "from a million years" does sound a lot better.

But what did you mean you disagree about the last stanza?
#6
I disagree with Pastorius who "absolutely hated the last stanza".

Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"