#1
hello,

alright, i'm in need of some perspective on this.

I've been working on this piece on and off for over a month and i'm not sure if it's working out.

i'm experimenting with jazz and metal but i need a fresh view since i'm not sure if what i'm working on is aesthetically pleasing.

post a link to your tab and I'll be sure to make a commend or crit it in return!!
Attachments:
fwa.zip
#2
The dissonance really adds to the feel of the darkness. I like the bassline. The MIDI sounds like crap, but if real instruments played it, I think it would be fine. I like the bass working like a counter melody with the distortion guitar.

It breaks into the trippy spot too fast. It's going with the metal feel, and then suddenly breaks into a clean guitar. I think the transition there could be a little smoother.

Overall, I think it's great. 9/10

Here's my tab...
Peavey HP Signature EXP (SH4 JB/ SH2 Jazz)
Jackson DK2M
Fender MIM Stratocaster HSS
Fender MiM Telecaster

EVH 5150 III w/ EVH 2x12 cab
Peavey Vypyr Tube 60
Fender Blues Jr.

Boss ME-50; NS-2; RV-5; BF-3
MXR M101 Phase 90
#3
Very, very nice. I loved how all the intruments were playing different stuff, it made it feel really interesting and trippy. I don't agree with EVH though, I think the transition into clean stuff at the end was perfect. Overall, this song is pretty much perfect, I dont think theres anything you need to change in it.
Would you be so kind to crit my song in return?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=12985451#post12985451
#5
Overall I liked the song.

I thought your introducation was ok and it was very well put together, but it didn't catch my ear, but it might sound better on a real instrument instead of Guitar Pro. 7/10

I liked all of your riffs. They each offered a different emotion, my only complaint is that they were all straight eighth notes. You might want to try adding some different rhythm patterns to switch it up. 7/10

The outro was by far my favorite part, I loved how you added the clean guitars and the way you played the effects over it all. PERFECT! and then adding the bass just took it to another level. It really caught my ear and i've listened to it at least 10 times. 10/10

If you could please take a look at my tab HERE
Only a real risk tests the reality of a belief.
#6
Damn, that was amazing. The best song I've heard ever. I was wondering if you thought about doing a guitar solo for it just before the soft piano/guitar outro because that would make it even more epic. You know to bring the intensity up to a climax then slowly bring it back down. Your riffs are very unique and I feel that this song might be missing an epic solo. Anyway I'm probably no help but it is good the way it is but I think even now it still could be better. I too would really like it if you sent it to my email if you record it. Email atlasguitarlover@yahoo.com Thank you so much.
#7
Really awesome use of dissonance. You really know where to use it, most new bands just throw in random diminished chords to sound heavy, but you really make it work to your advantage. This song reminds me of something Opeth would write.
#9
Wow. That's really cool.
Riff A and B reminded me a lot of Dasei Boogey by Nightmare... Not really sure why... But it freaking rocked. lol
Everything in this song was good. I really liked the outro too.

Great job. And I agree with Vomit.... The ending chord was sexy. lol

If you wouldn't mind... The bottom song in my signature could use some critiquing. =)
#10
Incredible.

The intro is perfect, definitely sets the mood of the song. It reminds me a good bit of Opeth, which is a always a plus for me. The introriff I'm still undecided whether or not it sounds better if it all rings or not; in my opinion, a mix of ringing and not would sound excellent.

The tremolo sections are damn evil, with a big nod to riff C. The bass on this song is stellar, especially during the outro. The drums are lacking, but everything else more than makes up for it. I'm a man of dynamics, though, I always love crazy drumwork.

Besides the drums, the one other thing I didn't like was the guitar effects during the outro; I can see what your trying to do, but to me they are just annoying.

All in all, very good. An easy 9/10.

Crit mine?:https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=776978
#11
thanks for all the comments! yeah the drums are pretty bad, i know pretty much nothing about it so i just filled it in with whatever came to my mind haha

i also send the piece to a few of my fellow bandmates but they weren't that keen on it so i don't think it'll be recorded though (i have absolutely no knowledge of recording music myself).
#12
well, tbh i really didnt like that

i dunno,
you fused the two pretty well, i think its just that ive grown a huge distaste for music that doesnt follow key recently
but it was a great piececompositionally

really hit the feel you were trying for, so points there
lacking a distortion solo, =p, always need one
harmonies were cool, randomly placed though it seems

overall allthough, id give ya a 9.5/10
great peice, just the lack of a set key thats trowing me off that half a point
so, pretty great job overall though


c4c?https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=801180
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#13
That sounded ridiculously awesome. Reminded me of Cynic/Atheist/Pestilence. Great stuff.
Maybe U2 wouldn't suck so hard if they stopped preaching and started rocking instead. Of course, that's difficult to do with Pantera holding a near monopoly on all things that rock.
-Maddox.
#15
That was really cool. Not sure if I'd call it jazzy just because of the chords, but they were very cool nevertheless.




#17
Very, very nice.

It's athiest all over again. I loved it.

Not much I can really say as a "crit" its perfect the way it is.

Actually I lie. The drums arent that amazing and bore me to death.

The outro was amazing, loved the simple delay, great way to end the song.

Again, i loved it. 10/10