#1
EDIT: Don't scroll down, see the wall of text, and post like the first idiot did, at least read the part I actually wrote.


Dating the jerks. Or as I like to call them, the hard-asses. Yes, I realize this has been under altercation for years now, but I personally haven't found the answers I'm looking for. It's mostly the opinions of others I'm interested in, especially the girls. What's with it? Why are they attracted to it? Is it just their sexual aura that they emit, or is it just wanting some kind of challenge in their lives? Cause, even though I am a guy, I can't see it. I'm looking at the, "Hard-asses," with their pants that they might as well not even have a belt around and just wondering, Why?

And this article might help you describe your feelings, and it's the one that really triggered me to think about this harder than I ever have. It's simply two different views on it: A guy's, and a girl's. If you feel like reading it, go right on ahead.

And yes, I do like copypasta.


SHE SAYS: No, but we think we do. As someone who dated a jerk, whom I now refer to as my "learning experience," I admit to falling under the jerk spell.
Here's how the jerk spell works: we meet the jerk and in some twisted way are seduced by his confidence, charm, and passion. We don't see these as the disguises they are: confidence is really arrogance, charm comes from him being a player, and his passion is being the center of his own universe.
“The jerk sniffs out our insecurities and uses them to reel us in with compliments that eventually turn into criticisms.”
The jerk sniffs out our insecurities and uses them to reel us in with compliments that eventually turn into criticisms. And if we see a red flag, like the time my "learning experience" told me his definition of a relationship was "light, fun and physical," we play mind games with ourselves. We use our normally rational inner voice to convince ourselves that we can tame him or that with the right kind of girlfriend he will lose his jerk armor and transform into a leading man fit for a romantic comedy. Come on ladies, what are we thinking?!
A jerk loves being a jerk -- way more than he loves us. I guess if they've always gotten away with treating people poorly and nobody ever set them straight, why would they change? Besides, a jerk seems to always have an attractive woman on his arm laughing at his mediocre jokes and ignoring his wandering gaze. How? I think it's because deep down every woman wants a challenge or a little danger. It's not really the jerk we like; it's the thrill of the chase, the rush of adrenaline when the jerk's phone number pops up on our cell (which is usually right after last call).
However, it's been my experience that "jerkdom" isn't some phase we can pull a guy out of. Guys only outgrow that phase when life no longer succumbs to their demands. Any woman who has dated a jerk for more than a week knows that it's a hollow relationship that ultimately leaves you disappointed, hurt, and commiserating with your friends.
The only challenge worth overcoming when dating a jerk is to not let him affect or define your self worth. So if there is a jerk out there making your heart go pitter-pat and estrogen is messing with your reasoning, go ahead and let him woo you, but when he asks for your number tell him that you only date guys who prove their value by respecting a woman. If he's a jerk he'll roll his eyes, say you have an attitude and snicker as he leaves. If he sincerely accepts your ground rules, then chances are you should give him at least one date to prove he's relationship material. Although you may not be spellbound at first, the nice guy without all the smooth answers may ultimately fulfill your needs in more meaningful ways.

HE SAYS: As much as I hate to say it, girls love jerks! At least until the jerk stops calling, which is usually right after he gets what he wants. Speaking from the guy's perspective, I've never quite understood what draws sane, attractive, bright women to guys who act like jerks. Maybe it is the thrill of the unexpected. Maybe it is trying to outplay him in his own game. Maybe it is hoping that deep down he is a nice guy and you are going to prove it to your naysayer friends. What I do know is that too many women who could easily be in a healthy relationship instead choose the cliffhanger ending of dating a jerk that walks with a swagger, winks at anything that moves, and always has a one-liner at the ready.
“Truth be told, there aren't many nice guys who haven't considered acting like a jerk, especially when they steal your girl”
Truth be told, there aren't many nice guys who haven't considered acting like a jerk, especially when they steal your girl (here I speak from experience). However, daydreaming of jerkdom fades as soon as nice guys remember one thing: being a jerk means acting like a jerk all the time. That means causing the mental pain and emotional anguish that drives a girl to phone her friends -- guy friends included -- crying about what the jerk did to her in public on their first date. Even guys bear the brunt of girls who fall head over heels for jerks.
If you're a girl who feels worse about yourself with every jerk you date, I hope you will make a big move towards respecting yourself and go on a date with a nice guy. They may not offer the drama and constant criticism you've come to expect, but they also won't try to hook up with you after dropping off their other girlfriend. And if you are having trouble distinguishing between a jerk and a nice guy, here are three ways to tell:

1. He's probably a jerk if he tells you to skip desert because your butt already jiggles enough.
2. He's definitely a jerk if he "guilts" you into doing things that make you feel bad about yourself -- usually starting with the line "If you really cared about me..."
3. He's absolutely a jerk if he takes you on a date and leaves you the bill, while he leaves with the waitress.


And no, I haven't just recently lost a girl to a jerk, nor am I jealous of what they are getting, I'm mostly curious and just want your opinions.
"We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment"

Tool, anyone?
Alter Bridge, maybe?
A bit of John Mayer?
Some beethoven sounds delightful, as well.
Last edited by Pedalboard at Feb 24, 2008,
#2
WATCH OUT FOR The WALLLllLLLl!!!
"We are not concerned with motive, with higher ethics. We are concerned only with cutting down crime-."
#3
Quote by pHaKe
WATCH OUT FOR The WALLLllLLLl!!!

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#4
i read the whole thing and i have to say, duh.

EDIT: oh com on he used paragraphs, what more could you ask.
#5
i am wayy 2 lazy r read all that...
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#8
The reason is because of attraction. These guys are much more exciting that some boring nice guy that kisses their ass. Girls like having their emotions manipulated and guys that are jerks are great at that. They make them laugh, they piss them off, they confuse the **** out of them and girls eat that **** up - as opposed to some guys that's really nice, dependable, sensitive and boring as **** to them.
#9
It's all about confidence. It just so happens that jerks have a lot of it.

EDIT: The more confidence a guy has radiates the idea that he is higher on the social food chain. Let's face it, nobody is attracted to someone who they think is lower than themselves on the food chain.

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Last edited by sloppyjoe24 at Feb 24, 2008,
#10
I am glad to say I actually read all that.
But I have no real answers to help you out here.
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#11
Quote by bendystraw
i read the whole thing and i have to say, duh.

EDIT: oh com on he used paragraphs, what more could you ask.

make it shorter
"We are not concerned with motive, with higher ethics. We are concerned only with cutting down crime-."
#12
That sounds like you copy/pasted it right from some Myspace bulletin honestly.

Why do women date jerks? The smart one's don't, not in my experience at least. A lot of the girls that float from jerk to jerk often aren't exactly a cup of tea to talk to themselves.
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#13
Couldn't have said it better myself.

This is probably the best post I have ever seen on UG. Many congraduations to you, sir.

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#14
Quote by bendystraw
i read the whole thing and i have to say, duh.

EDIT: oh com on he used paragraphs, what more could you ask.


No kidding. It was a big slab of meat before I made it into beef jerky.

EDIT: ^^First person to compliment me on here. You have earned a nice, cozy, little spot in my sig
"We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment"

Tool, anyone?
Alter Bridge, maybe?
A bit of John Mayer?
Some beethoven sounds delightful, as well.
Last edited by Pedalboard at Feb 24, 2008,
#15
I too have wondered about this. I've discussed this with my mates and the response (from both male and female) was that it's the confidence and they make them feel special. They dont see a knob (I'm british I don't say jerk) until it's too late.

To define someone as a knobhead you have to know them for a bit and usually by the time they realise the guy is a prick, it's too late.
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Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
#16
Quote by pHaKe
WATCH OUT FOR The WALLLllLLLl!!!


hahaha

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#17
Quote by Pedalboard
No kidding. It was a big slab of meat before I made it into beef jerky.

EDIT: ^^First person to compliment me on here. You have earned a nice, cozy, little spot in my sig

thanks!


HEY you spelled my name wrong!
Quote by Les_Frederiksen
PlayMadness, you give me hope for mankind.

Quote by Darksucker
PlayMadness - Jesus 2.0

Quote by genghisgandhi
Society's doing great. There's a rise of people like PlayMadness. I feel pretty good about the way things are going.
#18
why do guys go out with girls who are bitches? it's the same thing. not all girls go for jerks, not all guys go for bitches, no one has a totally perfect relationship, and sometimes it takes a while for people to find other people they're happy with.

to say that girls are attracted to jerks is to generalise wildly; and probably because you can't think of a better reason, or face up to a better reason, as to why your own relationships don't work out.
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#19
Quote by PlayMadness
thanks!


HEY you spelled my name wrong!


Lol, my bad. It's fixed.

But now back to the discussion. I just talked with my sister. She said it's almost purely on if they look hot, and have the, "moves," to go with it. And, wow, was I surprised. Cause I thought it was about what you guys were saying: Confidence. But according to her, I was entirely off.
"We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment"

Tool, anyone?
Alter Bridge, maybe?
A bit of John Mayer?
Some beethoven sounds delightful, as well.
#20
Thanks, I'll make sure not to do that...
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#21
jerks? I guess I've gone out with a few. mostly they've just been pretty pussy-ish, easily manipulated, and guys who I've been way smarter than.

not too hard to find. oh, and they've all been junkies...weird...
#23
Quote by Pedalboard
Lol, my bad. It's fixed.

But now back to the discussion. I just talked with my sister. She said it's almost purely on if they look hot, and have the, "moves," to go with it. And, wow, was I surprised. Cause I thought it was about what you guys were saying: Confidence. But according to her, I was entirely off.

2 identical twins, one confident the other with low self esteem, chances are the confident one will get someones number.

of course 'hotness' has something to do with it, but the same way that most girls are decently attractive, most guys are decent too and the thing that separates them is confidence.
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
#24
Quote by pHaKe
WATCH OUT FOR The WALLLllLLLl!!!

Hahaha. But seriously it sounds like something someone posts in my bulletin space.
#25
From what I know not all girls go for jerks. Most girls like a man who's confident in how they act. Women don't want to date another pussy they want a man with balls who can make their own decisions. It's just most of the time they can never find the in between guy who's confident but nice and respectable so they usually get caught up in the initial confidence and the "jerkishness" comes out later.

I have 3 friends who are of the female persuasion, all of them great girls, all attractive and all best friends with each other. One goes through men like tissues and has her share of drama and I hear from her constantly that she's "over" her latest boning partner. One of the others dated a jackass for a long time and she's come to her senses and now knows what to look for but she still doesn't want a pussy who can't make choices and wants the confident ones who'll make her feel good. The last one is probably the tamest of the lot and knows when she's being had and all that.

In my own opinion I think what women look for depends on their family life, they'll want what's been missing in their life, if they had say no father or a weak father who didn't do much punishing then they'll want someone who'll treat them harshly and not so nicely because that's what they're used to.
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#26
Maybe I should just shoot myself now, as I can not figure out why the hell guys keep complaining about how "girls love the jerks" god am I sick of it..I have a vagina and boobs and I DO NOT like the jerks, they do NOT put me under any silly spell, they DO NOT charm me, they DO NOT attract me. For the love of god PLEASE next time one of you UGer males wants to post a ****ing thread complaining and being a p ussy about how girls go for the assholes, at least make sure to specify them as insecure idiot girls..because honestly thats the only kind of girl that goes for assholes.

*breathes* ok im done now..
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#29
dude, you may not be jealous, but I am. totally. won't even try to lie about it haha.

As for the why... I think that the methods that a jerk uses (compliments designed to blind and such) is something like telling a woman what she wants to hear. Its like a lottery scam- someone wants the money so bad that they'll let themselves believe that that just won even if they don't remember playing.

Ok, maybe that's not such a good analogy (mostly because it infers that women are on the light side when it comes to rationality and brains). some girls like shallow men, some do enjoy the thrill of the chase, and some see the potential good in a jerk (or are fooled into thinking there is some); in the last case the only mistake is thinking that they'll be the ones to bring it out and change the man.
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#30
Quote by magnus_maximus
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#31
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...



Mess with the best, get shot up like the rest. You are officially E-dead.
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#32
Jerks radiate confidence and confidence, along with social status (as a confident jerk will often have) are literally hard-wired into every woman's brains to be attractive. Nature will unapologetically wipe your genes off the face of the earth if you do not reproduce and therefore the biological goal of life is to reproduce. Back in tribe days, the tribal leader and his friends radiated the confidence, had the power, so the best chance of reproduction was to mate with the tribal leader or his friends! That's where it started, and the idea continues to this day.

There are other reasons that have been mentioned and that haven't been, but just know that it's not the jerk part that's attracted, say more, cocky funny guy. Most cocky funny guys happen to be cocky funny because they are jerks and could care less about people other than themselves. But then you see the odd guy who is confident and interesting (unlike a "nice guy") without being self centered and bam, that's a successful guy.
Last edited by InTheFlesh! at Feb 24, 2008,