#3
Ulcer? That's new.

You know what? Rub boiling cold all over it or something, and while you're at it, hell, why not see a fucking doctor?

Someone post that tombstone pic.
Dear God, do you actually answer prayers?

Yes, but only in a way indistinguishable from random luck or the result of your own efforts.
#4
Ulcers are caused by excess stomach acid. Drink some Sodium Hydroxide, that should do the trick.