#1
No, this is not a post bemoaning writer's block. At least, not the normal kind. I wrote this short poem about my current struggle with writer's block. As such, I basically just cranked it out without really doing a ton of work on it. So here it is, in all of its awful glory... C4C of course.

I cannot write, nothing works.
It’s broken and jagged, ancient glass.
I’d bash my head through the walls,
But there’s brick behind this paper.

Ideas swirl around inside my head
Distilling into perfect pictures.
I stuff every one down the drain,
They won’t be walking out the door.

I turned the bolt and bent the key,
The lock is jammed but the window’s free.
It’s a mile down, but I think I’ll live,
Jump head first to shake them loose.

The landing jars a couple free,
Peel myself out of the ground.
The whites of my windows are still in sight
So I start my journey into night

The wind is cold, the rain’s a mess,
Like my mind, but I digress.
This road is longer than before,
But that’s fine, I’ve got some time.

I’m bound to end up nowhere
But anywhere is best.
I found somewhere under an overpass
An hour west of home.

I see writing on the bridge above,
I know where I’m going,
But I know not where it goes.

A man after my own heart,
I can almost see the author,
A mile up and coming down.
Last edited by theoneandonlyq at Mar 4, 2008,
#2

I turned the bolt and bent the key,
The lock is jammed but the window’s free.
It’s a mile down, but I think I’ll live,
Jump head first to shake them free.


I love the imagery in this stanza.

Overall, it was a pretty good piece. I pictured it as an acoustic piece, I'm not sure if that's what you intended or not.


Here's a piece of mine.


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=13013915#post13013915
"If faith is the answer we've already reached it
and if spirits a sign, then it's only a matter of time"
#3
funny how writers block can make you write something like this. personally, i like it
#4
I cannot write, nothing works.
It’s broken and jagged, ancient glass.
I’d bash my head through the walls,
But there’s brick behind this paper.

Excellent Start, the frustration comes through quite nicely. This at first, however, made me think that it was going to be a list of complaints! Thankfully it wasn't.

Ideas swirl around inside my head
Distilling into perfect pictures.
I stuff every one down the drain,
They won’t be walking out the door.

Oh the humor I find in writing something great about something that is wasted and nothing. Good.

I turned the bolt and bent the key,
The lock is jammed but the window’s free.
It’s a mile down, but I think I’ll live,
Jump head first to shake them loose.

Favorite Stanza. Clearly can see whats going on even without a lot of detail. It also flows quite nicely.

The landing jars a couple free,
Peel myself out of the ground.
The whites of my windows are still in sight
So I start to my journey into night

Freedom ahh nice. The block starts to loosen. However to me the second line just doesn't read correctly. I like it, it just doesn't fit.

The wind is cold, the rain’s a mess,
Like my mind, but I digress.
This road is longer than before,
But that’s fine, I’ve got some time.

First two lines rhyme quite nicely as well as the internal in line four. I read " but that's just fine," It felt like it fit better.

I’m bound to end up nowhere
But anywhere is best.
I found somewhere under an overpass
An hour west of home.

This stanza just didn't connect for me. The flow between the first line and the last line of the previous stanza was off. I don't really no why though since they have the same amount of syllables and such.

I see writing on the bridge above,
“I know where I’m going,
But I know not where it goes.”
A man after my own heart,
I can almost see the author,
A mile up and coming down

Now you know you are not alone. Others have defeated this beast as well. It made me appreciate the stanza above alot more. Awsome way to end it.


Overall I liked it alot. It was funny and insightful and creative. I approve.

-Ryan
#5
I like this. I like that you have taken something that all writers, hell all of the world, have dealt with and experienced in their life and made a fresh storyline out of it. You took alot of ideas and things that have been said a million times and said them in a different way and that is very commendable, especially if this was an on the spot sort of deal. That being said, it could also use some fine tuning, but all songs can. My only issue is the rhyme scheme or lack there of, but i like to write cheesy songs. I'm sure it sounds fine when you sing it, but just on an initial read some rhyme does help. But i'm not going to dwell on that, just suggest it as a way to appeal to a wider audience. So... content-wise this is fantastic. The imagery was perfect and painted a great picture. I especially liked the last two stanzas, there is no better setting for depression than an underpass, but there is also no better place to find inspiration. Great job, keep writing. If you would like me to look at any of your other songs, just lemme know I would be happy to. Peace!
#6
Sorry about the delay in returning the crit on my "Always Remains".

Quote by theoneandonlyq
I cannot write, nothing works.
It’s broken and jagged, ancient glass.
I’d bash my head through the walls,
But there’s brick behind this paper.

Ideas swirl around inside my head
Distilling into perfect pictures.
I stuff every one down the drain,
They won’t be walking out the door.

If the pictures are perfect then why are the being stufed down the drain

I turned the bolt and bent the key,
The lock is jammed but the window’s free. I like this idea
It’s a mile down, but I think I’ll live,
Jump head first to shake them loose.

The landing jars a couple free,
Peel myself out of the ground.
The whites of my windows are still in sight "The whites of my windows" sounds good but I'm not sure what it's representative of
So I start to my journey into night

The wind is cold, the rain’s a mess,
Like my mind, but I digress. A good rhyme, but none of the other sections have this rhyming scheme
This road is longer than before,
But that’s fine, I’ve got some time.

I’m bound to end up nowhere
But anywhere is best.
I found somewhere under an overpass
An hour west of home.

I see writing on the bridge above,
I know where I’m going,
But I know not where it goes.

A man after my own heart,
I can almost see the author,
A mile up and coming down.

This is a nice little ending, but I'm not sure on the resolution of the writer's block


I liked it overall even though the ending didn't really wrap everything up for me. The flow is good throughout, I can't really see any part that doesn't work that hasn't already been covered above.

Thanks again for the crit on mine
#7
once again very nice I'm jealous of the fact you can just fill up a page in one sitting even when your battling writers block, all I can say is to revisit and rewrite. Polish up the piece so it's performance worthy.
Keep up the good work