#1
I wrote some lyrics and want to know what other people think, plz let me know what u think and try not be be nice, id also like some tops for making them better

thanks,


1st song

Verse 1:
Stay away, get back
Don’t come close
Your a deceiver
An angel with a broken halo

My guard was down
You brought me pain
Now a shield I stand behind
Dagger in hand


Chorus:
Darkness
Closing in
Fire
Lighting the sky
Loneliness
Creeping in
Get away, get away
From me

Verse 2:
You came in my life
With a false face
Deceived me
And struck me down

Get back,
I wont take it any longer
Your two faced
An angel with devil wing

2nd song

Verse 1:
There he stands high and mighty
A ruler with an iron hand
A deceptive pig
Hiding the truth

Keeping everyone down
On there knees
Bowing
To a false god

Chorus:
Population rising
Fear widespread
Panic consuming
Disease spreading
Leaders that don’t care
Money on there minds
Selling out there people
For a petty profit

Verse 2:
Insane society
The demented rule
The sane live in prisons
Kept down to keep the false peace

There they rot
The better of society
Cast out
Pushed down
#3
yea the first one is kinda emo, atreyu emo not pop emo lol i should also add these are the first two songs ive ever written
#4
I liked it but when u said:

Quote by rrhoads47

Fear widespread
Panic consuming
Disease spreading
Leaders that don’t care
Money on there minds


maybe a different word after Spreading? its like repeating the Fear part. just an idea. makin it different and flow better. other then that i liked it good job
#5
To me they seem pretty good but im not lyric expert
Gear:
Guitars/ Basses:
PRS SE singlecut w/Tremolo
Epiphone Sg
Epiphone Thunderbird

Waiting in the wings:
Squier Strat mod
(soon to start)

Amps:
Line 6 Spider JAM
Peavey Max 115 bass amp
#6
I like the seccond one better. The first one is too.. exaggerate, but I like it too, so you could do both.

"When I die, I want people to play my music, go wild and freak out and do anything they want to do." - Jimi Hendrix


"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality." - John Lennon


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