I wrote some lyrics and want to know what other people think, plz let me know what u think and try not be be nice, id also like some tops for making them better


1st song

Verse 1:
Stay away, get back
Don’t come close
Your a deceiver
An angel with a broken halo

My guard was down
You brought me pain
Now a shield I stand behind
Dagger in hand

Closing in
Lighting the sky
Creeping in
Get away, get away
From me

Verse 2:
You came in my life
With a false face
Deceived me
And struck me down

Get back,
I wont take it any longer
Your two faced
An angel with devil wing

2nd song

Verse 1:
There he stands high and mighty
A ruler with an iron hand
A deceptive pig
Hiding the truth

Keeping everyone down
On there knees
To a false god

Population rising
Fear widespread
Panic consuming
Disease spreading
Leaders that don’t care
Money on there minds
Selling out there people
For a petty profit

Verse 2:
Insane society
The demented rule
The sane live in prisons
Kept down to keep the false peace

There they rot
The better of society
Cast out
Pushed down
yea the first one is kinda emo, atreyu emo not pop emo lol i should also add these are the first two songs ive ever written
I liked it but when u said:

Quote by rrhoads47

Fear widespread
Panic consuming
Disease spreading
Leaders that don’t care
Money on there minds

maybe a different word after Spreading? its like repeating the Fear part. just an idea. makin it different and flow better. other then that i liked it good job
To me they seem pretty good but im not lyric expert
Guitars/ Basses:
PRS SE singlecut w/Tremolo
Epiphone Sg
Epiphone Thunderbird

Waiting in the wings:
Squier Strat mod
(soon to start)

Line 6 Spider JAM
Peavey Max 115 bass amp
I like the seccond one better. The first one is too.. exaggerate, but I like it too, so you could do both.

"When I die, I want people to play my music, go wild and freak out and do anything they want to do." - Jimi Hendrix

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality." - John Lennon

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