#1
this is my song Reach for the surface now with my band solvent state

Wandering aimlessly
Racing along the borderline
To find the essence of this mystery that was left for me here

And I know it was you
And you know I stayed true
Yet you still found the time
To try and bring me down again
And it hurts me to be this way cause of my empathic pain

But I've numbed up some
And it's cause of you
From all the bull**** you've put me through
So let your guard down
I'll dump you in your tears and walk away as you drown

Reach for the surface now

You know your paroxsym is what got you here
Look up to the light and feel the fear creep around you
So cold and lonely as you drown

Reach for the surface now
Feel death creep around you now

While your slipping under
The bidge you burnt
When you burnt me
I'll pull you under now
The cold grips then the life slips
Yet the pain won't seem to go away
You see I let you up just for a breath
And as I pull you back you see your fate
While you drown

Reach for the surface now
To live alone we must be a beast or a god, says Aristotle, leaving out the third case: One must be both, a philosopher.
-Freidrich Nietzsche

-The Candle Burns At Both EndsX=X
#3
I thought this would be easier then advising you in what to change so, im just going to change your poem to what i think sound better. just compare yours and the editted and see which one you like better.

Wandering aimlessly
Racing along the borderline
To find the essence of this mystery
that was left for me

And I know it was you
And you know I stayed true
Yet you still found the time
To try and bring me down again
And it hurts me to be this way
because of my empathic pain

But I've numbed up some
And it's because of you
From all the bull****
you've put me through
So let your guard down
I'll dump you in your tears
and walk away as you drown

Reach for the surface now

You know your convulsion
is what got you here
Look up to the light
and feel the fear creep around you
So cold and lonely as you drown

Reach for the surface now
And feel death creep around

While your slipping under
The bidge you burnt,
When you erupted me,
I'll pull you under now.

The cold grips
then the life slips
Yet the pain won't seem
to go away

You see I let you up
for just one breath
And as I pull you back
you see your fate
While you drown

Reach for the surface now

if you like ti keep it if not do what you wish

c4c link in sig
#4
I describe it as lamb of god meets tool meets unearth. hard rock heavy metal. you can hear it at myspace.com/solventstate
To live alone we must be a beast or a god, says Aristotle, leaving out the third case: One must be both, a philosopher.
-Freidrich Nietzsche

-The Candle Burns At Both EndsX=X
#5
anyone else?
To live alone we must be a beast or a god, says Aristotle, leaving out the third case: One must be both, a philosopher.
-Freidrich Nietzsche

-The Candle Burns At Both EndsX=X