#1
**not to be an asshole, but save your crits on the way it's written for another time - it's intentional......just take it as is.**


should i try to find shelter, when you control the weather?
better step up before i decide.
i am often convicted of my human condition,
believe me, the reality's no surprise.
a sensibly, convincibly delicate reminder
that your intrusion could just be inclusion;
a gift for my doubt and validity?
a sin for my rationality.

have i a name in your vocabulary? a tad contrary,
with airborne, stubborn reasoning.
yet i'm the cutout in the canvas of your heart,
my lovely, the only subject in my dead art.
connective sedative for my separated sadness,
your words touch me like the rain.
is this my response to your angled, seductive pain?
the question i handed back.
#4
Wow I like this a lot. I hope you don't mind me saying, but this could easily be a rap. Try rapping it like Immortal Technique or some ****. When I read it it came off as a rap. Great job.


c4c