#1
these are just a work in progress, not finished but I wanted to put them up here anyway to see what you think about what I have so far...really my first try at writing lyrics.
I just try to tell a story with my lyrics so theres not really a rhyme scheme or anything...more along the lines of prose...these pieces are influenced by bands along the lines of Despised Icon or The Acacia Strain IMO

Untitled 1:
No words can describe the pain caused by your betrayal
But maybe my knife can do the talking and explain to you that
Its hard to beg for your life with a pierced trachea
The lies spouting from your mouth have been replaced with your own blood
You will not be graced by the presence of mercy on this day of days
Your fate now lies in an unmarked grave

Untitled 2:
Are her eyes blind to me or am I unaware of my own transparency?
She will soon know my name and acknowledge my existence
Her soul will remember my face and my touch 'til eternity's end
I have resisted this compulsion for far too long
And now this carnal desire has clouded my mind,
and awakened my blackened heart.
She is the light at the end of my tunnel vision, and will be quickly snuffed out.
Her screams for help will remain unheard, her questions unanswered
My hands find her throat in a loving caress and I steal her last breath
My way will be made



tell me what you think of what I have so far...When they are completed I'll post them in their entirety
Originally Posted by NAME GOES HERE
Dude, with a name like Cannibal Corpse, what were you expecting? Ponies and rainbows?

#2
Untitled 1:
No words can describe the pain caused by your betrayal
But maybe my knife can do the talking and explain to you that
Its hard to beg for your life with a pierced trachea
The lies spouting from your mouth have been replaced with your own blood
You will not be graced by the presence of mercy on this day of days
Your fate now lies in an unmarked grave

line two and three have to go. It doesnt flow with the stanza. the second line is to up-front, and the third in all honesty doesn't work. line three would sound better if it said 'its hard to beg for you rlife with a sliced open neck. and with line teo just remove the part 'do the talking and' it sound a lot better without

Untitled 2:
Are her eyes blind to me or am I unaware of my own transparency?
She will soon know my name and acknowledge my existence
Her soul will remember my face and my touch 'til eternity's end
I have resisted this compulsion for far too long
And now this carnal desire has clouded my mind,
and awakened my blackened heart.
She is the light at the end of my tunnel vision, and will be quickly snuffed out.
Her screams for help will remain unheard, her questions unanswered
My hands find her throat in a loving caress and I steal her last breath
My way will be made

line six would sound better if merged with line five.

besides that keep going a little dark for my taste but i like it all together

crit 4 crit link in sig
#4
Please give the rules the once over then you can repost this.

Thanks
THW
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.