#1
Enjoy, leave a link if I owe you.

Vipers For Windshield Wipers.

Summary; an
equestrian ocean,
horses for horses,
jogging night sky
on bloody greens.
Cups now youthfully
full of breast milk, staring
in a mirror cleaning your
teeth.

An example for welcome
change, her arms stick
to ruby chairs. Standing
chances stood ankle
locked. Madelene, coughing
so pristine.

Graduation to stomping
hooves, jaw wired to
disguise, a new wine to
drink but I'm allergic
to alcohol, a new wine
to flush.

Running peasant circles
around the night sky, slow
foxes wrap our shoulders with
dead coats, she said laughing
"Horses don't float."
Fine.

Viewed ugly faces
as bad impersonations
of me. Angled even, between
themes, right or wrong,
her call. Women now, girl
power becomes aged in
hours, glasses lined heavenly,
pouring what?

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Last edited by Something_Vague at Feb 28, 2008,
#2
Summary; an
equestrian ocean,
horses for horses,
jogging night sky
on bloody greens.
Cups now youthfully
full of breast milk, starring
in a mirror cleaning your
teeth.

I feel this opening could've been better. Is it just me, or has the word "equestrain" been played out? No? Must be me, I don't know. I like the breast milk line and I believe there's only one R in staring.

An example for welcome
change, her arms stick
to ruby chairs. Standing
chances stood ankle
locked. Madelene, coughing
so pristine.

This stanza seems....strange for you. There's a simple rhyme scheme that's playing with my head for some reason.

Graduation to stomping
hooves, jaw wired to
disguise, a new wine to
drink but I'm allergic
to alcohol, a new wine
to flush.

No bickering. Liked this.

Running peasant circles
around the night sky, slow
foxes wrap our shoulders with
dead coats, she said laughing
"Horses don't float."
Fine.

There's a childish feel to this stanza that I love.

Viewed ugly faces
as bad impersonations
of me. Angled even, between
themes, right or wrong,
her call. Women now, girl
power becomes aged in
hours, glasses lined heavenly,
pouring what?

Is this an attempt at something new for you? Because it feels that way and I'm not sure what to think. I mean, there's Matt all over this, but stuff that's either forced or stuff that I'm just not used to. It isn't terrible at all, though.

I have a new one, babe.
Care to spare some words?
Poor advice.
#3
It's something new I might try going further with, a style that is. I'll get to yours soon, get on aim!
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