#1
Another poem I've been working on. Gone is the repetitive flow of my other pieces, although there's a common structure to this one.

C4C as in the past


You always were the secret
that burns my mouth with silence,
and melts my twisted tongue,
as its air remains unbroken.

You always are the question
that holds my sleep in stasis,
and rules my waking days,
as its truth remains unanswered.

You’ll always be the future
that masks my pain with laughter,
but frees my fragile dreams,
as its path remains untrodden.

You always remain,
Like eternal misery
Or perpetual bliss.
Not knowing which
Drives me forever forward
As you always remain.

You always were the waiting
that numbs my spine with burden,
but lifts my sombre moods,
as its delay remains unactioned.

You always are the memory
That fills my mind with pleasure,
and quells my spiteful anger,
As its image remains unjaded.

You’ll always be the answer
that tricks my mind with falsehoods,
but clears my clouded views,
as its voice remains unspoken.

You always remain,
Like eternal misery
Or perpetual bliss.
Not knowing which
Drives me forever forward
As you always remain.
#2
You always were the secret
that burns my mouth with silence,
and melts my twisted tongue,
as its air remains unbroken. Nothing I can see that might be changed here. This made me curious to see more about this, to see where this was going.

You always are the question
that holds my sleep in stasis,
and rules my waking days,
as its truth remains unanswered. Once again, nothing to change. Good stuff

You’ll always be the future
that masks my pain with laughter,
but frees my fragile dreams,
as its path remains untrodden. The effect of always starting with "You'll always" and ending the stanza with how whatever "you" is, is never finished or completed. I like it.

You always remain,
Like eternal misery
Or perpetual bliss.
Not knowing which
Drives me forever forward
As you always remain. By now, I'm desperately looking for things to call you out on, since I don't want this to be a crit that really doesn't give you anything to work on. Unfortunately, I'm not finding anything... Good word choice here by the way, I liked it a lot

You always were the waiting
that numbs my spine with burden,
but lifts my sombre moods,
as its delay remains unactioned. I liked this, except for the last word. "Unactioned" is a new one to me. I don't think it's a real word, so I don't know if you intentionally sorta went the way of Shakespeare and just made up your own word or not. If you didn't mean to contribute to the English language like that, then you may want to try to find a word that describes that, such as "undone" or something. Undone doesn't really fit so well, but it's just an idea

You always are the memory
That fills my mind with pleasure,
and quells my spiteful anger,
As its image remains unjaded. This is another fine stanza, but the rhythm of the last line seems a bit wonky. It feels like there's too many syllables in it, although it's possible to get around it by just reading it at a different rhythm than the one I'm imagining.

You’ll always be the answer
that tricks my mind with falsehoods,
but clears my clouded views,
as its voice remains unspoken. I think that perhaps the flow might me smoothed out a bit by replacing "falsehoods" with "lies". I think it would cut down on syllables without compromising what you're trying to say.

You always remain,
Like eternal misery
Or perpetual bliss.
Not knowing which
Drives me forever forward
As you always remain. This was a good, solid way to end it, kinda offering closure in a song about never really getting closure.
All in all, this piece was pretty good. It seemed kinda vague overall, but it's good not to limit these things to much so as not to keep people from being able to identify with it. Good work If you could crit Writer's Block in my sig, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks