Vampires Stole My Girlfriend

It’s written in blood and drawn on lies
These vampires that stole our time
They took you down and now you’re gone
I want you back but you’re one of them

Now they surround us like scarecrows
Waiting to take your life
Stalking us like animals
We have nowhere to hide
Don’t move or make a sound
We have to be silent
Don’t speak when they’re around
They like to be violent

Burn at stake
I’ll watch you die
With tears in my eyes
I’ll say goodbye
Bend to break
And live to die
Your empty eyes
Tell me goodbye

I’m starting to hear their footsteps
I know they’re getting closer
I try to hold you tight
But it just won’t suffice
They ripped you from my arms
And left me on my knees
They bite into your flesh
I know how hard they squeeze

I never thought we’d part
But they tore us apart
And now it’s up to me
To set you free
Like a fallen star
You crashed and burned
So with tears in our eyes
We say our goodbyes
One last time

-some crit would be very appreciated, thnx
my god. u guys are so quick to report something. it's really pathetic u have nothing better to do. or no sympathy for someone who made a mistake. it's disgusting. purely disgusting.
well, that was pretty good, but you might want to change
"I never thought we’d part
But they tore us apart"
around or something, i have the same problem when writing lyrics
other then that its a great song
(='.'=)Help the Bunny
Oh, grow up.

There will always be rules, you will always have to abide by them. There are reasons for the rules... specifically, the no bumping rule is so that people don't keep moving their piece to the top of the list of threads. It is in place so that the critique for critique system works. Obviously, you aren't bright enough to put this together. Thus, I reported you because if we let people bump their threads it breaks the system down.

So yeah, I do have better things to do.... but I also care about this forum and having a place where people can actually receive critiques on their work.

oh i agree with u. but simply saying don't do it again, would have sufficed. i would've learned the rule whether u reported me or not. but u had to do it the asshole way, instead of the thoughtful and considerate way