#1
"Everyone is guilty"
I heard the Jester whisper.
as the crowded courtyard began to bustle;
And refused to let him speak.
"Our economy and future; they don't handle well with change,
And though we all settled for excuse's,
Now I truly hope:
That our Patriot, kindred, countrymen are ready for solutions."

Well a Plutocrat responded quickly,
as he calmly cleared his throat.
"Thats the kind of talk," He said.
"We used to conquer foes."
The courtyard was now retiring,
As the time was getting later.
Nearby the filibusters smiled;
While the lobbyists sat and waited.

"He needs to stop that useless banter"
Mr. Reaganite tells his wife.
"The elections are in November, but
This ain't worth the price."
Just then, the news reported:
Like a shepard tending sheep.
And as the flock of men lamented;
The Jester quietly went to sleep.


btw, hello. my first thread. ever. so,
Hello.
#2
It's a very interesting piece, obviously politically themed. One thing I'd recommend is that you can always rearrange the words you have and it takes nothing away artistically but can really add to the flow of the piece or eliminate unnecessary junctions which just cloud the real message. You can put that to use best in the second section, just use your imagination to add a little variety.
#3
"Everyone is guilty"
I heard the Jester whisper.
as the crowded courtyard began to bustle;
And refused to let him speak.
"Our economy and future; they don't handle well with change,
And though we all settled for excuse's, I don't think you need the apostrophre in 'excuse's'
Now I truly hope:
That our Patriot, kindred, countrymen are ready for solutions."

Interesting opening. I'm not too keen on 'I heard' in the second line though. It just feels plain... too blunt sorta thing.

Well a Plutocrat responded quickly,
as he calmly cleared his throat.
"Thats the kind of talk," He said. Comma instead of fullstop? [he said part]
"We used to conquer foes."
The courtyard was now retiring,
As the time was getting later.
Nearby the filibusters smiled;
While the lobbyists sat and waited.

I don't like the 'as the time was getting later' line. It's like you put it in to make a tiny slant rhyme with waited... and it doesn't work for me. This is a really interesting piece though.

"He needs to stop that useless banter"
Mr. Reaganite tells his wife.
"The elections are in November, but
This ain't worth the price."
Just then, the news reported:
Like a shepard tending sheep.
And as the flock of men lamented;
The Jester quietly went to sleep.

Love the ending. Feels like there's one too many syllables in the last line, plus it's a boring line anyway. It doesn't really tie things up poetically. The rhyme in L2/4 is nice. Sorry I couldn't really help too much. I like this though. Very original. If you get a chance could you take a look at 'autumn orchid story' and drop a comment? Thanks.
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#4
Sorry for not getting to this too quickly. I honestly can't think of any suggestions so I'll try come up with something tomorrow. You have a good sense for flow and storytelling. Feel free to bug me through PM if I don't come back to this soon.